Yesterday & last night were an absolute nightmare. In my car all day with my cat. Called 211 at 11:00pm. They couldn't help me. Called the local police station of where I was to see if they would allow me to just bring in my cat, cat food & litter box for a little while. They were extremely nice and came to where I was, but couldn't offer that. I had a little bit of money from a friend. Extremely thankful for everyone who has helped me! Googled the cheapest, closest hotel that takes pets. Stayed in a place that was the stuff of slasher movies. Got there at 1am. No sleep. Loud noises all night. The kind of place where I parked right outside of my door. People parked in their cars all night. I slept in my clothes. I can go on and on. I have been in such danger all the time. The amount of creeps out there... you don't realize. To think that my family, my son & many 'friends' (not all) don't care if I live or die... you can't imagine the feeling. Will people be happy when i lose my cat and lose my car and I'm literally sleeping in the street? Will they be happy when I'm dead & they don't have to read my annoying posts anymore? Idk!!! I can't find help anywhere. Once again, in my car with my cat. Major storm supposedly coming around 4:00. I have $50 from another friend. I have so many wealthy friends and friends with famous friends that I've asked to just simply share my link. They've read my message and ignored. I also have many Christian friends that have not shared my link and they have other Christian friends that might have the means and the heart to help. Can you please share my link? Please know that any amount helps me!! I pray all day for my safety and that I don't have a heart attack, a stroke or a nervous breakdown. I haven't done anything wrong!!! Please keep praying for me!! If any of my over 600 Facebook friends know of anyone that has a heart and an extra room, near Pequannock or somewhat near, and would be willing to take me and my cat in for a month so I can jobhunt, please let me know! Not many people seem to be human anymore! My cat is a good boy and will stay only in my room and only goes to the bathroom in his litter box! Please help me! Help me get my boy back! Help me get my life back! I'm a normal person, I'm a mom! I have no criminal record. I'm not a drug user. I don't even drink! Please!! Venmo is @Tanya-Zakk 🙏💔

Well, here goes nothing. I have no choice but to try this again. This is my life now. Once again, me and my cat have been in my car all day, hours... I've emailed & made more calls, trying to come up with a solution- again. I have nowhere to go and no money. The thing that has really been getting to me lately, is that if we had the over 13K in back child support owed, it would end this nightmare. The amount just keeps growing. And I don't wanna hear, "You're never gonna get it". As I've stated before, his family who lives VERY COMFORTABLY, AND WHO FINANCIALLY SUPPORT MY EX HUSBAND AND HIS OTHER CHILD, COULD EASILY PAY IT. THEY COULD EVEN LOAN IT TO HIM & HAVE HIM PAY IT. They don't put anything in his name, so that it can't be seized for child support. And I've also stated that, back in 2016, as some of you will remember, when my ex owed about 9K in back child support, they got him an attorney TO TAKE ME TO COURT TO HAVE THE SUPERVISED VISITATION ORDER (that had been in place since my son was one) OVERTURNED. I was working full time, raising my son by myself, had a modest apartment & couldn't afford an attorney but also didn't qualify for a free one. (Which was a joke. I was making roughly 40K/ year). So, I represented myself AND LOST. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE & I WAS PETRIFIED because of his drug problem but also because he was living in NY (crossing state lines with my young boy) and also living with his new girlfriend, who was harrassing me all the time & I had a feeling that she was a user & I brought it up in court, only to be scolded because I had no proof. (She has since dropped dead of an overdose). She is the mother of my ex's other child. So, I raised money for an attorney WHO, THANK GOD, HAD IT OVERTURNED- BACK TO THE WAY THAT IT WAS!!!! ALMOST A YEAR OF MY LIFE IN THAT NIGHTMARE!! BUT, MY ATTORNEY ALSO REQUESTED THAT HE PAY THE BACK CHILD SUPPORT OWED- IN A LUMP SUM. WELL, WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT? OVER 6K PAID IN A LUMP SUM WITHIN A WEEK. HOW'D THAT HAPPEN? HIS FAMILY. I am adding my Venmo again here. @Tanya-Zakk 🙏 Please help if you can! Please share this link!! Please! I can't live like this! It's been since July!!

I need help!!!!! I can't do this!!!!! Please!!!!! I don't know what to do!!!! I can't get from A to B with ZERO!!!!! Not one person knows where me and cat are. No one asks, no one cares. Please help me!!!!!!!

So, I've been working on writing a children's book. I had the idea for the book years ago & I just recently thought about it. It's something that I am able to do even while in my car for hours (which is not pleasant) and it doesn't matter what my appearance is while writing it. I have complete faith that it's a winner. I've researched publishing companies & the basic 'rules' of writing a children's book. I'm trying to get it done as soon as possible, so that I can start pitching it. If anyone has any connections or any advice, I would gladly take it. 

I need to pick up my cat tomorrow. He's been staying with my friend's brother for a week. I miss him beyond & it's been very painful. I'm crying more than I was before this & it's basically all day. I have nowhere to go, as of tomorrow, with my cat and I have no money. 

I don't know how anyone could STILL JUDGE ME, BERATE ME & INBOX ME THESE THINGS. It's not even worth a response anymore. These people are sick & twisted & evil. And, God sees everything. If you only knew the amount of suffering & heartache that I am going through. 

Please share this link. I also shared alot in my last update. 

Romans 12:15

So, I decided to write a shortened version of all that has happened this year. It's just too much to read in entirety at this point. But, I don't want to delete any of it because it shows what happened basically in real time. This will be an update, but also, at the beginning of my GiveSendGo, I'm going to refer to this particular update for anyone that hasn't been following. It's been a year from Hell. This all started because of the herniated disc's in my back from an injury in July 2022. When it first happened, it was EXTRUCIATING. I could barely walk. Everyone who knew me & saw me knew that. But, I got an epidural about 2 months after & it helped TREMENDOUSLY! The effects lasted about a year. The pain started coming back in early fall of 2023. At that exact time, I found out that we lost our health insurance. I never received the renewal packet in the mail because of 2 moves in one year. I wasn't getting all of my mail. At that time, the pain quickly kicked in so bad & it was unbearable again. I wasn't working BECAUSE of the pain & I fell behind on rent. I tried for MONTHS to get our insurance back & it was nightmare. When I found out that we were getting evicted, I reached out to the state & tried to get help through the HOMELESS PREVENTION PROGRAM. I WAS TURNED DOWN. I ONLY NEEDED TEMPORARY HELP. THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY THIS NIGHTMARE BEGAN. ALSO, AT THAT TIME, WE WERE OWED 9K IN BACK CHILD SUPPORT. (IT IS NOW OVER 13K. MORRIS COUNTY CHILD SUPPORT REFUSES TO ENFORCE COURT ORDERS.) The same month, my car was repossessed. That was March 2024. That was when I decided to start the GiveSendGo. I also started applying for anything that I could, through the state. I honestly had such hope that between the two, it would pull us out of the mess. It didn't. I was denied just about everything from the state of NJ. And as I did get MANY DONATIONS & HELP FROM FRIENDS & SOME CHURCHES, it wasn't enough to get my car out of repossession (I did though, at that time) AND ALSO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY MY LANDLORD THE TOTAL AMOUNT OWED IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO STAY IN OUR APARTMENT. WE PAID PARTIAL & WERE ABLE TO STAY UNTIL JUNE, WHEN WE WERE FINALLY EVICTED. I still believed that hopefully with more donations & state help (we hadn't been denied all state help at that point) & getting our insurance back & getting my back fixed up- that I could get us another apartment fairly quickly. None of that happened. Our insurance didn't kick in until December 1st. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. We did continue to get donations & help, but it wasn't enough at one time, to fully pull us out! My doctor insisted on a new/ current MRI before administering another epidural. I couldn't get an appointment until January. Then, wait for the results, schedule an appt to go over the results (it turns out that I had ANOTHER INJURY & MORE HERNIATED DISCS) and then schedule another epidural, which I received last month- February. I AM FINALLY OUT OF PAIN & READY TO WORK!!! But, my car has been out for repo again for 8 months now. No child support. No cash assistance from the state. (I had it for a few mos & they took it away when we received ONE MEASLY CHILD SUPPORT PYMNT. I BEGGED THEM NOT TO DO THAT. THEY REFUSED.) LAST AUGUST, THERE WAS ONE FAMILY IN TOWN THAT OFFERED TO TAKE IN MY SON, SO THAT HE WOULD HAVE STABILITY, BE IN TOWN & COULD GET TO SCHOOL. I AGREED & WAS EXTREMELY THANKFUL, BUT BROKENHEARTED!!! WE HAVE BEEN APART EVER SINCE. I HAVE BEEN COUCH TO COUCH, HOTEL ROOMS, HOURS & DAYS IN MY CAR WITH OUR BELOVED CAT. IT HAS BEEN HELL. ALONG WITH THE HEARTBREAK. AND, UTTER DESPAIR. BEYOND DEPRESSED. I ALREADY SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY & PTSD FROM CHILDHOOD PHYSICAL ABUSE. ALONG THE WAY, I HAD TWO VERY SCARY INCIDENTS REGARDING MY SAFETY & I HAD TO GO TO THE POLICE. THIS WEEK, I HAD TO ALLOW MY CAT TO STAY WITH MY FRIEND'S BROTHER, AN HOUR AWAY. HE OFFERED TO TAKE HIM FOR ONE WEEK & I HAD NOWHERE TO GO WITH HIM & NO MONEY. ALL I DO IS CRY. THIS HIT ME HARDER THAN I EVEN THOUGHT IT WOULD. I CAN'T TAKE IT. THE PAIN IS SO DEEP & INDESCRIBABLE. I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING. OUR HOME, MY BOY & NOW OUR CAT. I SEE NO END IN SIGHT. IT IS HOPELESS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING & EVERYONE THAT I COULD THINK OF!!! EVERY DAY!!! HITTING BRICK WALLS & GETTING TURNED DOWN! I'VE EVEN REACHED OUT TO MY STATE REPS! NOTHING! I CAN'T EVEN INTERVIEW UNTIL I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO SLEEP & SHOWER FOR ATLEAST A MONTH! I HAVE NO HELP FROM FAMILY. ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, MY SON STOPPED SPEAKING TO ME IN EARLY DECEMBER & BLOCKED ME FROM HIS PHONE, SOCIAL MEDIA & EVEN EVERY ASPECT OF HIS SCHOOL (HE'S A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL- BUT HE'S 18 NOW) & DIDN'T ALLOW ME TO BE A PART OF HIS COLLEGE PROCESS. (ITS ALL DONE). MY FAMILY- WHO I DONT SPEAK TO FOR GOOD REASON TURNED HIM AGAINST ME ALONG WITH MY EX HUSBAND'S FAMILY, WHO HAS HATED ME SINCE THE DAY I LEFT HIM & ALSO THE FAMILY THAT MY SON IS STAYING WITH- WHO CUT OFF CONTACT WITH ME IN OCTOBER, FOR GETTING UPSET WITH THEM FOR OVERSTEPPING REGARDING MY SON. (I JUST RECENTLY FOUND OUT THAT HE FLEW TO ORLANDO- DISNEY- WITH THEM IN JANUARY. I HAD NO IDEA. NO ONE TOLD ME). ME AND MY SON HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BEST FRIENDS. HE'S MY WHOLE WORLD!! I RAISED HIM BY MYSELF, WITH NO FINANCIAL OR PHYSICAL HELP. (I WILL ALSO ADD THAT MY EX HUSBAND'S FAMILY ARE FINANCIALLY VERY COMFORTABLE & HAVE NEVER HELPED ME OR MY SON WITH A DIME. THEY SUPPORT MY EX HUSBAND & HIS OTHER CHILD. AND THEY PUT NOTHING IN HIS NAME SO THAT IT CAN'T BE SEIZED FOR CHILD SUPPORT).

I REALLY THOUGHT THAT WE COULD DO IT. THAT EVERYTHING WOULD WORK OUT & BE OK. ITS NOT. AT ALL. OUR LITTLE FAMILY UNIT IS DESTROYED. MY LIFE IS DESTROYED. I PRAY ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST. I'M TRYING TO HOLD ON. I'VE SEEN MY COMMUNITY RALLY AROUND EVERY OTHER FAMILY IN NEED, FOR YEARS & YEARS AND RAISE SO MUCH MONEY & DO FUNDRAISERS. SOME SITUATIONS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO AS BAD AS THIS. NOT FOR US. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I NEED MY BOY BACK. HE NEEDS HIS MOM. WHETHER HE REALIZES IT RIGHT NOW OR NOT. I NEED MY LIFE BACK. OBVIOUSLY, EVEN MORE TO ALL OF THIS. WHICH IS ALL IN MY GIVESENDGO. I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY THE PAST DUE PAYMENTS ON MY CAR SO THEY DON'T TAKE IT, HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR 1ST MONTH'S RENT PLUS MONTH & A HALF SECURITY TOWARDS A TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT IN TOWN (AND A MOVING COMPANY) & START INTERVIEWING & GET A D*MN JOB AND START WORKING!!!! IT COMES TO NO MORE THAN 15K. IN ONE SENSE, ITS ALOT. BUT IN ANOTHER SENSE, ITS NOT. SADLY, THE OVER 13K OWED IN CHILD SUPPORT WOULD END THIS NIGHTMARE. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE HELP FROM FAMILY, DON'T RECEIVE COURT ORDERED CHILD SUPPORT & NOW HAVE TERRIBLE CREDIT SO YOU CAN'T EVEN GET A SMALL LOAN. I WANTED TO WRITE IT THIS WAY, TO PLEAD WITH MY FRIENDS & MY COMMUNITY TO PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, PLEASE SHARE THIS LINK. ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY. I'M STILL TRYING OTHER AVENUES, EVERYDAY. A HANDFUL OF FRIENDS HAVE STAYED CLOSE & THEY KNOW THIS & HAVE SEEN IT. I MIGHT RUB SOME PEOPLE THE WRONG WAY. I UNDERSTAND. AND, I'M SORRY. I'M HUMAN. AND I'VE BEEN THROUGH ALOT. YES, ITS AFFECTED ME. BUT, I'M NOT A BAD PERSON. I'M NOT A CRIMINAL. I'M NOT AN ADDICT. I'M NOT AN ABUSER. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD STAND BY & WATCH THIS, EVEN IF I'M NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA. WE ARE A HOMELESS FAMILY. A HOMELESS FAMILY IN POMPTON PLAINS, NJ. SINCE JUNE. THE STATE SHOULD NOT HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN. I DO BELIEVE THAT WE HAVE BEEN DISCRIMINATED AGAINST. BUT, I BELIEVE THAT MY COMMUNITY, WHERE I WAS RAISED THROUGH GRADE SCHOOL BEFORE MOVING DOWN THE ROAD TO WAYNE & WHERE I RAISED MY BOY... I BELIEVE THAT MY COMMUNITY HAS REALLY LET US DOWN. I'M NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN. I'M REALLY NOT. I'VE SEEN WHAT HAS BEEN DONE FOR COUNTLESS OTHER FAMILIES. MY BOY IS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL. WE'VE MISSED THIS WHOLE YEAR TOGETHER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I NEED HELP. PLEASE PRAY FOR US. I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE.

My Venmo is @Tanya-Zakk

Test Update.

Please help me God.

I JUST FOUND OUT, ON MY OWN, THAT MY SON- WHO IS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL- FLEW TO ORLANDO, FLORIDA (DISNEY) IN JANUARY. WITH THE WRETCHED FAMILY THAT HE'S UNFORTUNATELY BEEN STAYING WITH- THAT TURNED MY SWEET BOY AGAINST ME. I WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO A MOTHER!!!! EVER!!!! YOU COULDN'T PAY ME TO DO THESE THINGS!!! NO ONE INFORMED ME OF THIS. NO ONE. AND I'M QUITE SURE THAT ALOT OF PEOPLE ON MY 'FRIENDS' LIST, WERE AWARE. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU!!! WHILE I AM IN HELL!!! I HAVE NOWHERE TO SLEEP AS OF TOMORROW. THANK YOU TO THE FEW PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED ME!!! ❤️🙌 ALSO, TWO DONATIONS THAT WERE MADE ON THE GIVESENDGO WON'T BE AVAILABLE TO ME FOR A FEW MORE DAYS. I HAVE NOTHING RIGHT NOW. IF I HAD TEMPORARY HOUSING FOR ATLEAST A MONTH, I COULD INTERVIEW!!! (I need a place for me (& my cat) to sleep, shower & look appropriate for interviews!) Reminder that I just had my epidural on February 3rd. And then pulled my back out days later. After a round of steroids & roughly a week later, I FINALLY FEEL NORMAL & OUT OF PAIN!!!! AFTER A YEAR & A HALF!!! But ofcourse, on February 28th, I had to leave the house that I was renting a room in!! AND NOW, I'M BACK IN SURVIVAL MODE!! EVERY DAY IS NOW TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE WE WILL SLEEP! Packing & unpacking. Loading up the car and unloading the car. Jesus, help me!!! My son will still not speak to me or see me. I know that Jesus is going to show him one day, all that I have gone through and how wrong he has been and still is, about his decision to do this to me. Horrible. Heartbreaking. Utter despair for months now. EVERY SECOND OF MY DAY. THREE & A HALF MONTHS OF MY SON BLOCKING ME FROM EVERY ASPECT OF HIS LIFE. AND NO ONE WILL TALK TO HIM ON MY BEHALF. 

I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS. THIS YEAR. WHAT I HAVE LEARNED. THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED ME. ❤️ THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TURNED A BLIND EYE & IGNORED ME. THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE WALKED AWAY. THE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW BUT HAVE NO CLUE. THE SILENCE. 

I STILL HAVE FAITH IN JESUS. BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN HIM. AND BECAUSE HE HAS SEEN ALL OF THIS. I DID NOT DESERVE THIS. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE OR BE ASHAMED OF. GOD SAID THAT HE WILL RIGHT MY WRONGS. AND NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER. 

I am sick to my stomach. 

All I do is cry. 

And shake. Panic attacks all day. The daily fear is overwhelming. 

Turned down for help by my state, some churches and Catholic Charities. What a sick joke. And what a nightmare.

If anyone still cares, my Venmo is @Tanya-Zakk 

God bless all who have helped me!!! And the few who have not stopped!!

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! JESUS!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY!!!!!!!!!

This week was just about the lowest I have felt through this whole trial, which began in June. I don't think that many people understand what it feels like, when you truly realize that, not only does no one care if you are living in your car, no one really cares if you live or die. Not even your own child, the person you love the most in this world. It is devastating. It is a very deep, deep pain to come to this realization. No one has any idea what I have been through since June. You may think you know, but you don't. And even all of my countless updates won't tell you what I have been through. But, Jesus has been speaking to me this week. He spoke to me on the same topic, through many different sermons this week, all with different pastors. That's when I know it's Him. Here's what He's been saying. Genesis 32:22- 32:32. In those passages, Jacob says to Jesus, "I will not let You go unless You bless me!" You can read the verses & see what the situation was. Jacob was blessed. And God didn't pick perfect people for His greatest stories and lessons in the Bible. Jesus, I will not let You go unless You bless me. I will persevere. I will stay in faith. I know that my blessing is coming. There's many verses in the Bible that speak about how when God gives you very long, dark trials, it's actually considered a gift. Because if you can stay in faith, and not break, and not walk away from Him, you will be blessed greatly and have a very big testimony. My blessing is coming. I am ONLY here because of Jesus. If not for Him, I would've 100% ended my l*fe. And that is a FACT. I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING. I HAVE NOTHING. And shame on all of the people, the people I was closest with, who walked away. Just about everyone. Even Born Again Christians. Even people very high up in the church. The churches that all of the locals attend. You are supposed to wrap your arms around the weakest among you. Wrap your arms around the poor. Shame on you. We are all sinners. You have shunned me and you have judged me. And my son hurt me more than anyone else on this planet has. He has taken away the most important thing in this world to me~ being a mother. BEING A MOTHER TO HIM. Not only has he blocked me from his life, but since he's 18 (but a senior in high school), he had me removed from EVERYTHING REGARDING HIS SCHOOL. EVEN ALL SCHOOL EMAIL & CORRESPONDENCE. EVEN LACROSSE. And no one tells me how he's doing or what he's up to. He's just nonexistent. I did not deserve any of this. I know TOO MANY people that have done FAR WORSE THAN I COULD EVEN THINK OF DOING, that are living their best lives. And for those who have kicked me when i was down? (And there have been many). Honestly? Keep it coming. Because the harder you make my life, the deeper you throw me into the pits, the greater my blessing will be. And also, I FORGIVE ALL OF YOU. EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO HAS HURT ME, HARMED ME, LIED ABOUT ME, JUDGED ME, ALL OF IT. I mean that. That doesn't mean that I will never get angry again. I am not perfect. Just like you. But, I've been praying on it and I stated it and I am working on it. I will be blessed. I have nothing. I have no money. I have absolutely NOTHING. But, I will praise His name. I won't ask any of you for anything. And, I trust in the Lord to fight all of my battles. He is a God of justice. Hallelujah!

Packing up now. Have to be out by midnight. Me and my cat will be sleeping in our car tonight. Please share. Venmo is @Tanya-Zakk

Well, here goes a very long update that I did not want to do, because not many people seem to care & honestly, I am sick of this. No update is easy. Every single update brings pain, embarrassment & usually someone that inboxes me & berates me. I have no other options right now. It's an emergency. PLEASE READ TO THE END!! YOU CAN SKIP THE NEXT LONG PARAGRAPH ABOUT MY SON, BUT I NEED HELP DESPERATELY!!!
First off, today is day 82 of my son refusing to speak to me or see me. Three months. The pain is excruciating. I have to literally try to NOT THINK ABOUT MY BOY- UNLESS I'M READY TO CRY LIKE A BABY, HEAVING & EVERYTHING. I want to say something about that, that I've been wanting to say for awhile. Obviously, as I've stated before, I believe it is cruel & completely unwarranted. I KNOW that people are influencing him, including my family & my ex husband's family. Here's what I want to say. I walked away from my immediate family about a year & a half ago. (I walked away from most of my extended family in 2018. Decades of complete nonsense- ie. Talking about me behind my back, putting me down... for things that were so petty. For example, I didnt go to my little cousin's birthday party in 2018 because an old friend had passed away & I went to the wake & memorial service. I sent my son to the party with my family. I RARELY missed an event in our large family that has countless events almost monthly- birthdays, baptisms, weddings, etc. The family of the birthday boy had missed MANY of my son's parties- I DON'T CARE & NEVER MADE A FUSS!! Well, it got back to me that they didnt believe that I went to a wake or that a friend had passed- they ASSUMED I HAD A DATE! My gosh, even if I did have a date, who cares?? Anyway, THEY GOOGLED TO FIND OUT ABOUT SAID DECEASED PERSON & SERVICES. That was the last straw. I STILL ALLOWED MY SON TO SEE THEM ALL THE TIME.) Now, I gave my immediate family more grace. Same issues, over & over, nothing I ever did was good enough, petty issues, gossiping behind my back & even worse- physical altercations... But, FOR MY SON'S SAKE, I WOULD FORGIVE & MOVE ON. OVER & OVER & OVER. A year & a half ago, I had just had enough. Here's my point: NEVER AT THE AGE OF MY SON DID I EVER STOP SPEAKING TO MY PARENTS. IF I HAD, IT WOULDNT FLY. I HAD WAY MORE COMPASSION FOR THEM THAN MY SON OBVIOUSLY HAS FOR ME. MY PARENTS SPLIT WHEN I WAS 16. THEY WERE A DISASTER & IT WAS THE NASTIEST DIVORCE EVER. I HAD BEEN PHYSICALLY & VERBALLY ABUSED THROUGHOUT MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD. DO YOU KNOW THAT WHEN MY MOM THREW MY DAD OUT OF THE HOUSE & HE WAS FORCED TO LIVE WITH HIS MOTHER WHILE MY MOM TOOK HIM FOR ALL THAT HE HAD, MY FATHER WAS SO DEPRESSED & I KNEW HE WAS NEAR SU*CIDAL, THAT I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM, I BECAME HIS NUMBER ONE CONFIDANT, FRIEND & SUPPORTER. MY BOYFRIEND & BESTIES FROM THAT TIME CAN BACK ME UP HERE. I FORGAVE ALOT!!! WAY MORE THAN MY SON WOULD EVER HAVE TO FORGIVE ME FOR. I HAD COMPASSION & EMPATHY. WE WOULD GO FOR COFFEE, DINNER, TAKE RIDES TOGETHER. HE WAS SO DISTRAUGHT. WE ACTUALLY BECAME VERY CLOSE & REMAINED THAT WAY FOR QUITE SOME TIME. WHAT REALLY, TRULY CHANGED THAT WAS WHEN HE TOOK ME IN TEMPORARILY AFTER MY SPLIT WITH MY EX FIANCE IN 2023. (I DID APPRECIATE IT!) YES, I WAS A BASKETCASE. BUT NO WORSE THAN HE WAS WHEN MY MOM LEFT HIM!! HE HAD ZERO COMPASSION & EMPATHY FOR ME. FOR THE 3 & A HALF MONTHS THAT I HAD TO STAY WITH HIM, HE WAS BEYOND AWFUL & REFUSED TO LET ME SHARE WHAT WAS GOING ON IN MY COURT BATTLE, MY HEARTBREAK, ETC. ***** THAT IS WHY I WALKED AWAY FROM MY FATHER. HE WAS BRUTAL. WHEN I NEEDED HIM THE MOST, HE NOT ONLY WASNT THERE FOR ME EMOTIONALLY, BUT HE MADE EVERYTHING WORSE. AND HE COULDNT EVEN PAY IT FORWARD. HAD HE FORGOTTEN ALL OF THOSE YEARS??? I CAN'T IMAGINE THAT HE DID. I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS SITUATION HAS AFFECTED MY BOY. BUT, I DIDNT DO ANYTHING ****TO HIM****. I DIDNT GO OUT OF MY WAY TO HURT HIM. MY GOSH, IF HE ONLY SAW ALL OF THE NIGHTS & DAYS THROUGH ALL OF THESE MONTHS WITHOUT HIM, THAT I WOULD CRY & PRAY TO JESUS TO PLEASE FIX THIS & BRING US BACK TOGETHER!!! EVERYDAY!!! ALSO, NEITHER ONE OF MY PARENTS REACHED OUT TO ME IN THIS YEAR & A HALF, CALLED OR TEXTED SAYING, "WHY ARE YOU NOT SPEAKING TO ME??? I MISS YOU!!! I LOVE YOU!!! COME BACK!! I WANT TO HELP YOU!!" NOTHING. CRICKETS. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE?? THESE ARE THINGS THAT I WAS SAYING TO MY BOY STARTING THE DAY THAT HE SAID HE NEEDED SOME SPACE!! I'M LIKE, "WHAT?? WHAT IS HAPPENING???" AND NOW HE'S HAD ME BLOCKED FROM EVERYTHING. ITS MADDENING. IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. NO ABUSE. NOTHING LIKE THAT. WE WERE ALWAYS LIKE BESTIES. (YES, I PARENTED HIM & DISCIPLINED HIM. I DON'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT). MY BOY, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, MY HEART IS BROKEN. I MISS YOU BEYOND WORDS. THIS PAIN IS INDESCRIBABLE. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ON THIS PLANET. YOU ARE MY PURPOSE!!! I FEEL COMPLETELY LOST!!! I KNOW NOTHING OF YOUR LIFE NOW. I'M USED TO KNOWING EVERY ASPECT!!! ITS ALWAYS BEEN JUST ME & YOU!!! YOU ARE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL!! WE WILL NEVER GET THESE MOMENTS BACK THAT WE'VE MISSED!! DON'T LET PEOPLE FOOL YOU!! I PRAY THAT I SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE SOON, MY BABY BOY....
ALRIGHT, HERE ARE THE UPDATES: 
I had my epidural on February 3rd. I was feeling much relief and then.... on the 15th, I PULLED MY BACK OUT POURING A BAG OF CAT LITTER INTO THE LITTERBOX. I HAD NOT BEEN IN THAT MUCH PAIN SINCE PROBABLY LAST SPRING. YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS UP. I GAVE IT ABOUT 2 DAYS, PRAYING IT WAS A PULLED MUSCLE. IT WASNT. I CALLED MY DOCTOR & DID A ROUND OF STEROIDS & JUST FINISHED THEM UP ABOUT 2 OR 3 DAYS AGO. I JUST FINALLY STARTED FEELING MUCH, MUCH BETTER THAN I HAVE IN A YEAR & HALF!!! YES, THANK YOU JESUS!!!
I also had the Fair Hearing Trial last month. Nothing good came out of it. This system is broken. We continue to NOT GET THE TEMPORARY HELP THAT WE NEED FROM OUR STATE & FEDERAL GOV'T. I also was able to apply for Section 8. A FRIEND TOLD ME ABOUT THE 2 WEEK WINDOW TO APPLY (NO STATE WORKER INFORMED ME), THAT WAS IN JANUARY, AND IT ONLY HAPPENS EVERY 5 YEARS. I HAD NEVER APPLIED BEFORE. HOMELESS GETS PRIORITY, ALONG WITH VETERANS & THE DISABLED. WELL, ABOUT A WEEK OR SO AGO, I GOT THE DENIAL LETTER!!! OFCOURSE!!! SOMETIMES, I REALLY THINK THAT I HAVE BEEN CURSED. I ALSO WAS WORKING WITH CATHOLIC CHARITIES, AND THE WOMAN REALLY HAD MY HOPES UP. I SUBMITTED ALL THE NECESSARY PAPERWORK A FEW WEEKS AGO. SHE BASICALLY HAD ME BELIEVE THAT THEY WERE GOING TO HELP US GET A TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT. SHE TOLD ME THE PRICE TO LOOK FOR (THERE'S A CUTOFF MONTHLY RENT AMOUNT). I WAS LOOKING LIKE CRAZY FOR SOMETHING CLOSE IN THAT PRICE RANGE, WHICH WASNT EASY. I FINALLY FOUND ONE!! AND THEN, LONG STORY SHORT, SHE DROPPED A BOMB ON ME 3 DAYS AGO. NOPE! THEY WON'T HELP US! (ITS TOO MUCH TO WRITE. IF ANYONE HAS QUESTIONS ABOUT THAT, INBOX ME). I CANT WIN!!! AND THEY GET MILLIONS IN FEDERAL FUNDS!!!! WHO ARE THEY HELPING IF THEY CAN'T HELP A SINGLE MOTHER & CHILD, WHO HAS NOT A DOLLAR TO HER NAME?????!!!!!! 
I HAVE REPORTED EVERY STATE AGENCY THAT HAS TURNED US DOWN FOR HELP, TO DOGE. THAT INCLUDES THE MORRIS COUNTY CHILD SUPPORT UNIT. I HAVE SCREENSHOTS OF WHAT I FOUND ONLNE REGARDING WHAT YOU GET IN NJ IF YOU ARE AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT. I AM INCLUDING THE PICS IN THE COMMENT SECTION ON MY FACEBOOK POST. 
I finally researched an attorney & reached out about 3 wks ago, regarding a possible lawsuit against a hotel where I stayed in September, where something very traumatic happened to me involving an employee. I retained the attorney (for free) & he very quickly had the process going. We are trying to settle out of court. He told them right away what I am seeking, and we have been waiting for their response for 2 wks. Please pray for me!!!
I sold my son's car last week. I had been trying to sell it for a month. It was not easy. I kept lowering the price quite a bit & I wound up taking my lowest, bottom number. It wasn't much. I used the bulk of it to pay for one more month (February) where I have been staying. The rest went to a few bills. 
HERE'S WHERE IT GETS MESSY. I CANNOT STAY HERE ANYMORE. I AM PAID THROUGH TOMORROW. THE OWNER WAS NICE ENOUGH TO LET ME STAY ONE MORE MONTH AT THE SLASHED RENT THAT HE ALLOWED FOR DECEMBER & JANUARY. HE NEEDS TO RENT THE ROOM FOR THE FULL PRICE. PLEASE DON'T ASK ME IF I CAN TALK HIM INTO LETTING ME STAY LONGER. ITS BEEN DISCUSSED. ITS A NO. BUT I AM VERY GRATEFUL TO HIM FOR HELPING ME FOR 3 MONTHS. 
Yes, I have started to look for a job. But now I find myself right back to where I was in November.
RIGHT NOW, I HAVE ZERO DOLLARS, NO FOOD, I RAN OUT OF MY MONTHLY FOOD STAMPS, NO CAT FOOD, NO GAS IN MY CAR & NOWHERE TO GO AS OF TOMORROW. I'M FREAKING OUT. I CAN BARELY BREATH. CONSTANT PANIC ATTACKS. I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT CATHOLIC CHARITIES WOULD COME THROUGH, LITERALLY UP UNTIL 3 DAYS AGO. THEN, I WAS PRAYING THAT I'D HEAR BACK FROM MY ATTORNEY BEFORE TODAY. I REACHED OUT TO HIM. NOTHING YET. I DID NOT WANT TO DO ANOTHER UPDATE. LIKE, EVER. I'M NOT DOING WELL. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HOLD ON. I PRAY ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I'M IN FAITH. MY FAITH HAS NEVER WAIVERED. I'M READING HIS WORD. WATCHING MY SERMONS. (PLEASE DON'T COME AT ME- NO, I'M NOT PERFECT. I NEVER SAID THAT I WAS.) I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS I CAN TAKE. THIS IS ALL TOO MUCH. FOR TOO LONG. HOMELESS SINCE JUNE!!! WE ONLY NEEDED TEMPORARY HELP!! BUT BCUZ THE STATE OF NJ LET US DOWN IN EVERY WAY, IT TURNED INTO A LONG-TERM NIGHTMARE!!!
SIDE NOTE: MY CAR IS STILL OUT FOR REPO. I'M STILL BEHIND ON MANY BILLS, INCLUDING THE STORAGE UNIT BILL. WE STILL HAVE NO ACCESS TO OUR BELONGINGS!! PLEASE HELP! PLEASE SHARE! PLEASE PRAY! THANK YOU!! MY VENMO IS @Tanya-Zakk

A few updates... So, I met with my doctor a few days ago to go over the results of my MRI. It turns out that, at some point between the time of the injury (July 2022) & that first MRI, to now, my current MRI shows that I had ANOTHER INJURY. It shows some healing of the first injury. But, it shows that I herniated many disc's above the old injury (of herniated disc's). This injury is worse than the first one. And many of the disc's are contacting different nerves. Me and my son had four moves in 2 years. I'm sure that it happened during a move. It all makes sense. And I was moving a carload & my cat, by myself, almost on a daily basis, for many months. He's going to do another epidural. Two shots, but this time, higher up... he gave me his next available appointment which is February 3rd. This is great news. And I will try to line up a job for soon after that. He agreed that, that's why obviously I've been in such great pain, all day, every day. It hurts to do anything. If anyone would like to see a copy of the MRI, just ask. I also had the Fair Hearing a few days ago. What a joke. The only thing they did was lift the six month penalty that they put on us in July, which was almost up anyway. I do have one woman at the Office of Temporary Assistance that is helpful & compassionate & she's going to try to help us going forward. I reapplied for TANF,  since there's no child support coming in. (Still no bench warrant for his arrest. They refuse to enforce any court order). I'm still waiting for an answer regarding the TANF. I still have zero income and I need help DESPERATELY. Thanks to two of my friends that helped me after my last update, I was able to pay the December storage unit bill that was past due. (January is due in two days).  And it carried me until yesterday for gas money & the basics. THANK YOU!!!! I am now down to zero dollars again. No cat food, the list goes on. I really need help. Car is still out for repossession. Also, today is DAY 41 of my son refusing to see me or speak to me on the phone. I am beyond heartbroken, depressed, confused & angry about this. I am blocked from his whole life and it is complete madness & unwarranted. Last week, I found out from doing detective work on my own, that my son got a new car. I had no idea. I still have no idea when this occurred. He was hiding 'his car' from me. (It's in my name). He got himself his own insurance and new plates. When I confronted him via text right after I found out, he got back to me the following day & confirmed. Then he told me that he left his old car in a local parking lot with the keys inside & since it's in my name, it's my problem now. I went there that night & grabbed the keys & locked the doors, but I have nowhere to store it right now. If anyone has or knows of a place where I can store it temporarily, please reach out! I'm going to try to sell it. It's old with high mileage. It's basically good for a guy, maybe as a second emergency car or something. The cop that sold it to us last September didn't tell us about a few issues that it definitely did have at that time. I will say again though, THE PEOPLE ADVISING MY SON TO TREAT ME THIS WAY, BLOCK ME FROM HIS SCHOOL & HIS LIFE, KEEP SECRETS FROM ME & LIE TO ME..... ARE AWFUL HUMAN BEINGS. DISGUSTING. The family that he's staying with, my family... all of them. They have destroyed a family unit & should be ashamed of themselves. But, they're not! Lastly, I'm nearing the end. But, I still need substantial financial help. Please. PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I have two more weeks here at this house & no idea what will happen next. NOT A PENNY TO MY NAME. All I have is foodstamps (that they lowered- what a joke). God bless you and thank you. Please share this link. And please keep praying for us! 

My Venmo is @Tanya-Zakk 

Some updates. Day 30 of my son not speaking to me or seeing me. Things are now worse with him. I had to stop texting him on Friday. He has threatened me with a restraining order. This is the influence of toxic, narcissistic people, including my family, that instead of telling him to talk to his mother, they advise him to ghost me, shut me completely out of his life, which ofcourse has caused me to freak out because none of this makes sense, and I try and try to reach out to him and get shut down, and their solution is to tell my boy to put a restraining order on me. Its a culture of abuse. Lets add to Tanya's trauma!! Let me just say, the reason why he's upset with me is because I'm still in this terrible situation, still asking for help and it has embarrassed him and caused him stress. OFCOURSE I UNDERSTAND THIS!!! But, my child that had compassion and understanding of the situation up until recently, has completey done a 180 and is now angry with me. (A week prior to this was the sweet letter that he wrote me on Thanksgiving). I've tried a million times to explain to him that 1. Our health insurance just became effective, FINALLY, on Dec 1st and I am still in the same pain that he witnessed for over a year now- that has not changed. That was a HUGE part of this. (I got an MRI this past Saturday- more on that later in this post). 2. I've tried to apply for everything with the state & was denied. 3. The state discontinued my TANF (cash assistance- $400/ month) in November because they saw some child support payments come in. The money went to the state first (to pay off the TANF given to me). I BEGGED THEM TO NOT END THE TANF YET BECAUSE HE IS NEVER CONSISTENT WITH PAYMENTS. THEY REFUSED. So, then I received a full month of child support in November, and for the whole month of December, I received $86. I CALLED IT. The support owed is now WELL OVER 12K. THEY REFUSE TO ENFORCE THE NEW COURT ORDER FROM JULY THAT STATES THAT IF HE MISSES ONE PAYMENT, THEY CAN ISSUE A WARRANT FOR HIS ARREST. THEY HAVE NOT ISSUED A BENCH WARRANT. I've called and emailed a million times. So now, I have to reapply for TANF. They won't just reinstate it. I've told my son that the goal has remained the same. I want to atleast be on the road to recovery and YES, LINE UP A JOB TO START WHEN I SEE WHAT THE NEXT STEP IS TOWARDS HEALING. And I've told him that while I'm still asking for much needed help, I need to explain WHY I still need help! So, I called my doctor today. They got the results back already from the MRI. I read it. It's hard to know what the heck I'm reading. I'm not a doctor. It sounds awful. It's all changed since my last MRI in 2022, which is what myself and my doctors assumed. I have an appointment with my doctor next Tuesday to go over the results and figure out the next step. (This is good!) But, I just can't get through to my boy. This past Friday night, we had still been texting a little up until that day, I know that he works Friday nights, so I drove by the establishment (it's right by where I'm staying) and his car wasn't there. Earlier that day, we were texting about a few things, but I let him know that he needs to give me his share of the car insurance this week. It's past due and extremely important. He wouldn't answer me on that. I asked him about 3 times. So, I texted him after I drove by his work & asked why he wasn't working. He said that he is infact working but that he's not driving his car because it's not insured. HE KNOWS THATS NOT TRUE. ITS STILL INSURED. I was getting nowhere with the conversation VIA TEXT, so I drove back there. I went inside & he was there. I was very calm, but upset. There were no customers there. I asked if he could please come outside & talk to me for a minute. He refused. (This was very emotional for me. I haven't seen him in a month. And he also shaved his head. He's never had a shaved head. And he's NEVER looked at me the way that he looked at me that night. It was heartbreaking). He threatened me with a restraining order. I was in tears. I asked him if he had a car accident- is that why his car isn't there? He said no. (Last month he told me that he had a minor accident in OCTOBER but didn't tell me. But MY FAMILY WAS AWARE & ALSO THE FAMILY WHERE HE'S BEEN STAYING. THIS IS NOT COOL). He also had been asking me lately if he could get his own separate car insurance, but I've said, It's much cheaper for you as my son- the way that I have it set up). So, he is refusing to pay THIS BILL AS WELL. And because it's past due, he owes 2 payments. (As do I). REGARDLESS IF HE GOT NEW INSURANCE, WHICH HE STILL WON'T TELL ME! And whoever is helping him with this and knows all of this IS SERIOUSLY DOING HARM BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD MY OWN SHARE, LET ALONE HIS! SAME THING HE DID TO ME A WEEK OR TWO AGO WITH THE CELL PHONE BILL!!! THEY'RE NOT EVEN TELLING HIM TO DO THE RIGHT THING!!!! JUST SCREW YOUR MOTHER, LET HER FREAK OUT AND THEN GET A RESTRAINING ORDER ON HER!!! THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE AND WHY I WALKED AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE!!!! So, I didn't stay long there. I left shorty afterwards in complete agony. I am heartbroken. I am also angry. You know, when my son signed off with the high school, to have me removed from ALL SCHOOL ACCESS, because he's 18 now (and my family advised him to do that), it not only removed me from Realtime which is access to his grades, report cards, tardies, absences, any problems, all of that.... but they also had to remove me from the weekly emails that all parents get (THAT I'VE GOTTEN THROUGH HIS WHOLE CHILDHOOD) from his principal and also from the superintendent. If you're a parent, especially a mom, ESPECIALLY A SINGLE MOM THAT RAISED HIM BY HERSELF.... THIS WAS A DAGGER RIGHT INTO MY BACK. THERE ARE NO WORDS. He also has excluded me from the whole college process!!!!! Which I WANT TO BE A PART OF!!! OFCOURSE!!!! I have no idea IF HE'S APPLIED TO COLLEGES, WHERE THOSE COLLEGES ARE LOCATED, NOTHING!!!! He refuses to tell me!!!!!! THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW I AM FEELING. For the past month, I know nothing about my son's life. As if I'm a criminal. As if I physically abused him, or was using drugs or drinking around him or whatever- you get my point. We never went ONE DAY like this, let alone one month. 

*** Not to mention that as I write this, I have NOT ONE DOLLAR TO MY NAME. (I am reapplying for TANF tonight). I have no gas in my car to get anywhere, even to the foodstore- I do have foodstamps- and I need to go. I haven't even had Advil for days- the only thing that helps me get through the day. I'm out of cat food. Not to mention, the car insurance situation, my car is also still out for repossession and our storage bill is still past due and yes, all of our belongings will be going up for auction soon. I've called tons of churches in the area, and even Catholic Charities.  None of them help with cash assistance. (I did get some Shoprite gift cards in December- I am thankful!! But, they are used up.) Please help if you can. I don't know what to do anymore!!! Venmo- @Tanya-Zakk

I want to end this update with a text that I sent to my son last week. (He said he didn't read it because it was too long). Maybe someone that knows him can tell him to read it.

"Think about ALL OF THINGS THAT I DID, AS A GOOD MOTHER, FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE! ITS COUNTLESS!! 

I worked while raising you all by myself!! It was exhausting!! But, well worth it! Think about doing that while you were:

A BABY

A TODDLER 

A LITTLE BOY

A TEENAGER

A YOUNG MAN!!!

Working... while doing for you:

Daycare, school, dropoffs, pickups, in snowstorms, rain... 

Homework, sports, doctors appts, dentist, getting thrown up on, pooped on, peed on, changing diapers, bottles, feeding you, laundry, school projects, Halloween costumes, trick or treating, school concerts, back to school nights, art shows, graduations, lugging around diaper bags, strollers, in and out of carseats, getting you hermit crabs, fish, then our cat... taking care of all of them, foodshopping, giving you baths, then showers, brushing your teeth, teaching you to tie your shoes, potty train you, doing dishes, cleaning, making a nice home, watching shows & movies together, pumpkin picking, decorating for the holidays, wrapping presents, birthday parties, playing SANTA, dressing you, undressing you, combing your hair, some years working two jobs, always selling stuff on the side, all while going through court battles with your dad & his family, dealing with my family, struggling financially, the worry, no child support, NO HELP!!! NO HUSBAND!! NO FATHER FIGURE! NO ONE TO BACK ME UP!! School fundraisers, school pictures, sports pictures, uniforms, sign up fees, stress from work, not enough sleep, doing it all WHILE BEING SICK SOMETIMES MYSELF!!! Swimming lessons, you crying, wiping your nose, wiping your b*tt!! Getting sneezed on, having to take you everywhere with me- while you complained- until you were old enough to stay home, making playdates, dealing with other parents, carpools to the mall- picking up your friends, paying the bills, meetings at school, school emails, shoveling snow, taking you out for dinner, for ice cream, to the park, listening to you screaming while playing XBOX, checking in, monitoring you on Life360, making sure to raise you in good towns- two- with good school systems... the list goes on!!! And on and on!!! ALL BY MYSELF!!!!"

There's also a few more updates. I'm working on stuff everyday. I'm tired of typing now. I'll mention it the next update. Please pray for us! For me! Please help if you can! I can provide documentation of anything! THANK YOU!!!

Matthew 18:6

"But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

My son is still a kid. He's still in high school. The people behind him not speaking to me, are not only hurting me, they are hurting and harming my son. So far, they stole our entire Christmas season together. The last Christmas of his youth. WE WILL NEVER GET THAT BACK. My son cannot see it right now, but one day he will. Please continue to pray for me and my boy. 

Quick update: My cell phone bill was paid and my phone is back on! Thank you, Jesus. And thank you so much to my friend and brother in Christ for paying it!!! I appreciate you!!!! God bless you and your family!! 

I ask that you keep sharing the link. We still need prayers so much!!!! Keep praying for my relationship with my boy! 

The status of my other bills remains the same. My car is still in repo status. Our storage unit bill is still past due and we do not have access to our belongings once again. In a week or two, if the bill is not paid, they put all of our belongings up for auction. (Our whole life is in there). It's the same deal every month. 

Thank you again for everything. God bless you all. 

Update. First, I want to thank everyone again who has prayed for us, donated, shared this link and reached out to me personally. I really am truly grateful. Things would be so much worse right now if not for all of you. Thank you. I've had to deal with a few verbally abusive people lately that I feel just don't understand the layers of all of this. I understand that. I wish they wouldn't lash out so harshly, but I understand. Thank GOD for my friends and extended family that have had my back. They have literally kept me going. I do want to reiterate that nothing has changed in my initial plan going forward. It just took WAY LONGER to get where I need to go, than I could have ever imagined. Things are looking up, and I will share a few updates. But, things are also still extremely difficult. I've stated from the beginning that I want to get my back 'healed' or atleast start the pain management process, which I needed health insurance in order to do, which I now have. Thank God. I have an appointment for an MRI on January 4th. I had an MRI appt scheduled last week, but my son started a texting war (he still won't speak to me on the phone or in person) literally right before my appt. I was 10 minutes late & they did not take me. I did not know that on that certain day, my time slot was the last one. I was beyond upset. Anyway, my doctors will not do anything without the updated MRI because my last one was in 2022, which is outdated. Once I'm in the healing process, which I believe will be soon, my goal is to line up a job. 

Christmas Eve and Christmas day were brutal for me. I was alone. I can't even describe the pain that I felt without my son. It was the first Christmas without him and hopefully the last. All I did was cry. I still have not seen him or spoken to him. 

My cell phone was shut off early yesterday. I could not pay the bill. I had a payment arrangement set up (basically, I was behind one month). It's around $200/ month for myself and my son. He always pays half. He went and got himself a new phone a few weeks ago, but I still owe for his share for the two months (November & December) that were part of this payment arrangement. (Ofcourse I already took him off of my plan). He refused to pay his share. I understand. He is angry. And he helped me so much last year. So, now that the my phone was shut off, I owe the total, which is $389. I have to pay that amount in order to get it turned back on.  I cannot send or receive calls or texts. There are calls that need to be made that are important and obviously, I need to have communication. I do have wifi where I am staying, thank God, so I can email and use social media, etc when I'm hooked up to wifi. (When I'm driving, I have zero communication). 

If anyone doubts anything, please email me. I can provide proof of anything that I have stated in this whole GiveSendGo. My email is tanya.a.colvin1@gmail.com. Again, my Venmo is @Tanya-Zakk. Donations made here in my GiveSendGo take roughly one week to get to me. 

Today i got a bit of good news. I've called and emailed since October about a date for the Fair Hearing Trial that I requested in early October. Dozens of times. I even went down to the office a few weeks ago. No answers. Last night I emailed again, but this time I included two state representatives on the email string. This morning I received an email from the state, FINALLY, with a date for the trial. It is set for January 14th. (I really need to call Legal Services for representation- I need my phone turned back on!) I don't know if the state reps reached out to them (they didn't reply to me) or if the fact that I just included them on the email made the state workers nervous. But regardless, it worked. So, that is good news. 

Also, I found a church organization that MAY be able to help with the security deposit towards a new home. I'm in the process of submitting documents and if I am approved and IF they have the funds available at that time, they will pay it. (I have to find something in my county and that doesn't exceed the monthly rental amount that they approve). Please pray on that!!!!!!! 🙏 

Things were really looking up when I got this temporary room to rent a month ago. I am so thankful. But, right after that is when everything happened with my son. It really threw me for a loop. I didn't see it coming and I am in shock. My mental health is really suffering. It's a pain like no other. I know that alot of people go through this and so many have reached out. I feel for all of them!! It's excruciating. Please pray for me and my boy!!! Please share the link if you feel comfortable. God bless you. 

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. I am so grateful for all of the help that we have received. God bless you all. 

Saturday night I went by son's work around 9:45pm. He works until 10 on Friday & Saturday nights. The night before, I went there & he wasn't working & he refused to tell me why he called out, when I texted him. Please understand that I absolutely have a right to know what is going on in my child's life & for the first time ever, I have no clue. So, Sat night I went in & asked his coworker if he worked that night & she said "Yes, but he left a little early". So, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE SEPTEMBER (WHEN I WAS GETTING ALONG WITH THE FAMILY THAT HAS MY SON & STILL IN COMMUNICATION), I WENT RIGHT TO THEIR HOUSE. I AM SO SICK OF THIS! ITS RIDICULOUS & UNWARRANTED. My son's car was not there. This was a few minutes before 10pm. (Not late for a Saturday night). I knocked on the door & rang the bell. Nothing. Kept trying. Finally, the dad comes & opens the door & he's obviously angry that I am there. He takes his phone & starts typing something, so I said, "Oh, are you calling the cops? I figured you would!" He said, "Its none of your business what I'm doing!" (It turns out he was recording me, because after our brief interaction, as I was walking back to my car, he said, "I got this all on video"! Hahahaaa!!! Good for you! I'm not allowed to go to your door ONE TIME SINCE SEPTEMBER WHEN MY SON IS STAYING THERE?? (I didn't do anything wrong. We just argued for maybe three or so minutes). Back to our initial conversation:

I said, "Where is my son?" He said, "I have no clue!" I said, "So then, who is parenting my child"? He said, "Well obviously, not you!" UMMMMM..... BECAUSE NO ONE WILL ALLOW ME TO!!!!!! He then says, "You know, he's 18 & he can do what he wants." We had a back & forth & I brought up the fact that they cut off communication with me in October which is not right. He was putting down my parenting, which I find ironic because honestly, WHAT KIND OF PARENT WOULD I BE IF I DIDN'T EVER FINALLY KNOCK ON THEIR DOOR? IF I DIDN'T CARE??? He is then screaming at me to get off his property & never return. I did leave. And I won't return. (Which breaks my heart because my child is there!!!!) As I'm walking to my car, he also says, "I can't wait to sue your a*$!!" I turn around & laugh. I said, "For what?!" He goes, "Oh, that's right! You have no money! You're homeless!" Nice, right? At some point in the conversation I said something about how I don't want my son there anymore & he goes, "Oh, then maybe you should have him live with you in the rented room!!! Hahahahaaaa!!!!" I said, "If he was under 18, I would!!" Because obviously there's nothing I can do anymore. (And these quotes are probably not exact. The convo went this way. It's the only way to convey who was speaking what.)

This is the man who has my son. For five months. This is who is influencing him. Along with my family, who I walked away from over a year ago. Along with my ex husband's family and well, that goes without saying at this point.

It is so upsetting. I had never met him before that day in August. I just had no choice. All of the things that he said in this conversation, solidified EXACTLY HOW I KNEW HE FELT ABOUT ME SINCE DAY ONE. HIGHLY JUDGEMENTAL. NO COMPASSION. I texted Frankie the next day & I told him about it all & I told him to watch the video because he will see that I was right about how I knew he felt about me. He never replied. My son hasn't replied to anything of mine since Sunday. He was barely replying to anything before that.

Let me also say that this man is very military like. I'm not saying that's bad. But, he expects everyone to live the way that he lives. He wakes up at 5am & has told me (months ago) & tells my son that everyone should wake up that early. He also goes to bed around 9 or 10pm. Again, I don't care! But, don't put that on anyone else! He was telling me months ago, that that is how I should be doing things. I'm like, listen, never in my life have I gotten up at 5am. Lol! I've had tons of 9- 5 jobs, most of Frankie's life. But, I've never been an early riser. That doesn't make anyone a bad person. And there are TONS of successful people who don't do that. He was also telling me that nothing good happens after 10pm & you shouldn't be out at that time. Omg. You're not my dad.

Also, last month, Frankie told me that they grounded him for the weekend. I said, "What?! Why?!" He said, "because they told me that if i don't wake up by a certain time on school days, I can't go out after work on the weekends." He said that he wasn't even late for school that day. I HAVE NEVER BEEN THAT HARSH!!! I always disciplined, but not like that! And man, if i had tried to pull that on Frankie EVER, it never would've worked! Do you know how hard it was to discipline him, without a father in the picture?!! No one to back me up!! Ever!! He always pushed back & gave me a hard time! What I find also ironic is that, as this man is telling me, "He's 18 now. He can do what he wants." ... But, HE CAN DISCIPLINE HIM?!! And no one ran that by me, by the way. And my son is fine with it? Am I in the Twilight Zone?

I haven't spent time with my boy since Thanksgiving. I haven't seen him since 12/6 when I dropped off food for him. I haven't heard his voice. This month was a nightmare. This Christmas season brought me so much pain. The Christmas lights, decorations, songs, the stores... there was no joy without my son. It was the first time in MY WHOLE LIFE that I didn't engage in any of it. No movies, shows, taking a ride with my boy to see the lights, nothing. This will be my first Christmas without my baby boy. And this will also be my first Christmas spent completely alone. The pain is unbearable.

To my family & my ex husband's family:

I hope you all enjoy my boy this Christmas. Thank you for NOT HELPING US AT ALL THROUGH ALL OF THIS. AND MY EX HUSBAND & EX INLAWS- NOT HELPING US EVER. BETWEEN MY HUUUUUUGE FAMILY THAT CLAIMS TO LOVE HIM SO MUCH & MY EX INLAWS THAT CLAIM THE SAME: YOU COULDN'T EVEN ALL CHIP IN 20 BUCKS EACH OVER A YEAR AGO, TO GIVE HIM MY MOTHER'S FIANCÉ'S CAR, THE ONE HE SAVED FOR BUT YES, HELPED WITH BILLS INSTEAD- BLESS HIS HEART! $2,000.00.

NOPE. BUT, HERE YOU ARE TO SAVE THE DAY NOW AND FILL HIS HEAD WITH LIES ABOUT THE PERSON ON THIS PLANET THAT LOVES HIM THE MOST & THAT HE WAS CLOSEST WITH. YOU GOT YOUR OPENING IN AUGUST, DIDN'T YOU?

AND TO THE FAMILY THAT HE IS STAYING WITH: SHAME ON YOU. NO WORDS. NEVER IN MY LIFE WOULD I DO THAT TO A FAMILY UNIT.

PLEASE PRAY FOR US. 

This is a quote from my son via text from this week. The only interaction that he is allowing me is texting. And even then, he doesn't always reply. For 15 days now, he refuses to talk to me on the phone, see me in person, he blocked me from his Instagram accounts, removed Life360, got a new phone & phone number (I've had him on my plan since he's had a phone, obviously) and signed off at his school to no longer allow me any access to his teachers, counselors, Realtime (to follow his grades, attendance, tardies, absences, etc). THIS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE & HE'S BEING INFLUENCED BY MY FAMILY- DEFINITELY, possibly my ex husband's family & definitely the family that he is staying with. I will say that we had been arguing a little lately but only because he's been wanting to see me less (influenced by others) which OFCOURSE breaks my heart. His quote:

"People have helped me make those decisions but it what it really came down to was me giving the ok and yes to make those things happen."

Whoever he is referring to, is SERIOUSLY DOING DAMAGE TO OUR RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS NOT OK AND NOT WARRANTED. YOU ARE MAKING ME MISS OUT ON BEING A MOTHER, A PARENT, MISSING HIS SENIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL, ADDING TO MY STRESS, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, RUINING MY CHRISTMAS EVEN MORE AND KILLING MY EXTREMELY CLOSE BOND & RELATIONSHIP WITH MY ONLY CHILD. THIS IS STEMMING FROM JEALOSY & ITS DEMONIC & CRUEL. YOU ARE TORTURING ME. BUT, I'M SURE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. THIS IS NARCISSISM. THIS IS WHY I WALKED AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. THIS IS WHY, YES, I WAS TRUTHFUL ABOUT THEM ON MY GIVESENDGO. DECADES OF THIS & EVEN WORSE. AND THIS IS THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF NARCISSISM. THEY PUSH YOU TO THE POINT OF INSANITY AND THEN WHEN YOU CONFRONT THEM IN ANGER, THEY'LL CALL THE COPS AND CALL YOU CRAZY. (BEEN THERE. AND I'VE WON ALL OF THOSE BATTLES).

YES, HE IS 18 NOW, BUT HE IS A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL.

HERE IS JUST ONE TEXT THAT I WROTE TO MY SON THIS WEEK.

"I really hate not knowing how your day was, how school was, if you have homework, how your grades are, what you did after school, how work was, how youth group & church was, if you're dating anyone, ALL OF IT!!!! Why are you taking that all away from me??? I miss watching your Instagram posts!! Why would you block me from that?! I miss being able to know where you are, if you're safe! If you're out with your friends! If you're at the gym! How was the gym? Why are you torturing me?!! I miss seeing if you're 'home' safe and in for the night! Are you taking your vitamins? How are you feeling? I miss hearing your voice & your laugh! I miss sending you stupid videos and religious videos! I go to do it all the time & then I remember! Everything makes me cry!!! It's not right!! I really deserve all this??! When I hear sirens, which is all the time, I used to be able to see where you are and relax or if your location was off, I'd call! Think about everything that I just said and realize that that is what a GOOD PARENT DOES! A PARENT THAT LOVES YOU BEYOND! AND WORRIES SO MUCH! And ofcourse I still miss living with you and our banter all day & playing with Sonny & watching holiday shows & sermons! I even miss giving you rides and breaking my back doing your laundry everyday! Lol! Everything!!!!"

Do you really think that this family, who is not our family, is doing all of this for him? Who is parenting my boy? His father has never really been in his life and ABSOLUTELY has not been a FATHER to him. Who is making sure that he is in safe for the night? I WAS DOING THAT EVERY NIGHT, UNTIL HE REMOVED HIS LIFE360!!!! And for this family that he's staying with, to COMPLETELY IGNORE MY CALLS & TEXTS, BASICALLY SINCE OCTOBER, IS EVIL!!!! You know, there are tons of kids without parents who wish they had a parent that has done it all and loves them so much and cares for them and prays for them and worries for them and EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE DONE WHILE RAISING HIM BY MYSELF!!! And I will say it again, THE YEARS IN COURTS, BATTLING MY EX HUSBAND WITH HIS LAWYERS THAT HIS PARENTS GOT HIM, WHILE OWING THOUSANDS IN BACK CHILD SUPPORT.... NO ONE WENT WITH ME TO COURT. NO ONE HELD MY HAND. ALWAYS ALONE!!! NO ONE ELSE WOULD HAVE DONE THAT FOR HIM. ALL FOR HIS SAFETY. THANK GOD THAT I WON EVERY BATTLE. AND MY PARENTS NEVER FOUGHT 'FOR ME' LIKE I HAVE FOUGHT AND WILL STILL FIGHT FOR MY SON. MY PARENTS ONLY 'FOUGHT ME'. PHYSICALLY, VERBALLY, MENTALLY... YES, I AM ANGRY! BUT ATLEAST MY ANGER IS FOR THE GREATER GOOD!

SHAME ON THESE WRETCHED PEOPLE. AND I KNOW THAT MY SISTER IN LAW HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS! SHE'S A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR AT A LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL AND SHE KNOWS ALL OF THE INS AND OUTS OF HIGH SCHOOL STUFF. SHE USES IT TO HER BENEFIT. SHE AND MY BROTHER HAVE NO CHILDREN OF THEIR OWN AND SHE HAS ALWAYS PRETENDED THAT MY BOY IS HER CHILD. MY SON IS ALWAYS IN HER SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILE PICTURES. ITS RIDICULOUS. SHE HAS DONE SO MUCH EVIL TO MY FAMILY SINCE THE DAY THAT SHE MET MY BROTHER. AND I AM NOT THE ONLY FAMILY MEMBER TO SAY THAT. SHE HAS DIVIDED US ALL. MY BROTHER WAS MY BEST FRIEND UNTIL SHE DESTROYED THAT QUICKLY OUT OF JEALOUSY. 
PLEASE PRAY FOR US!! PLEASE PRAY FOR MY BOY!!! PRAY THAT JESUS OPENS HIS EYES AND GIVES HIM DISCERNMENT! PRAY THAT GOD KEEPS EVIL FORCES AWAY FROM HIM! I REFUSE TO LET THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP (OTHER THAN JESUS) TO ME AND TO MY BOY, FALL APART!!!! PLEASE PRAY THAT I GET THROUGH THIS!!! I AM HOLDING ON BY A THREAD HERE! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I AM STILL HERE. OBVIOUSLY, BY THE GRACE OF GOD. BUT, I AM SO SICK OF JUST SURVIVING. I AM SO SICK OF LIVING A NIGHTMARE. PLEASE PRAY FOR MY STRENGTH, MY HEALTH, MY SANITY AND FOR A MIRACLE!!!
I STILL NEED FINANCIAL HELP. MY CAR IS STILL OUT FOR REPOSSESION, OUR STORAGE UNIT BILL IS NOW PAST DUE AGAIN, MY CELL PHONE BILL IS DUE BY 12/24. JESUS, PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

THIS UPDATE WAS PART OF MY UPDATE FROM FRIDAY'S FACEBOOK POST UPDATE. I COULDN'T FIT IT ALL IN ON THE LAST UPDATE HERE. THEY ONLY ALLOW A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF CHARACTERS. 

THIS IS WHAT I STILL NEED:

PLEASE KEEP SHARING THE GiveSendGo LINK. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING. MY CAR IS STILL OUT FOR REPO. IN ORDER TO GET IT OUT OF REPO STATUS, I OWE ROUGHLY 2K. I'M CONTINUING TO REACH OUT TO OTHER CHURCHES FOR HELP. I REALLY NEED IT OUT OF REPO STATUS BECAUSE I'M PETRIFIED OF THEM FINDING IT. I'M IN A CONSTANT STATE OF FEAR, ESPECIALLY WHEN I SEE TOW TRUCKS. ALSO, THESE CAR COMPANIES CAN FIND YOU ANYWHERE. I'M SCARED THAT WHEN I GET A JOB ON THE BOOKS- OBVIOUSLY- THEY CAN FIND THAT WORK ADDRESS. MY TEMPORARY HOME ADDRESS I AM KEEPING A SECRET. I ALSO HAVE THE CONTINUING BILLS OF CELL PHONE, CAR INSURANCE & STORAGE UNIT. I HAVE THOUSANDS IN UNPAID DOCTORS BILLS FROM THIS YEAR. THE STATE HEALTH INSURANCE REFUSES TO BACK PAY ANY OF IT, EVEN THE PAST THREE MONTHS. I ASKED. THE ONLY THINGS WE ARE CURRENTLY RECEIVING FROM THE STATE IS HEALTH INS & FOODSTAMPS (ROUGHLY $360 FOR ME & FRANKIE, WHICH ISN'T MUCH).

GOD HELP ME.

I added 3 pics to this site which you can see in the Gallery. A Birthday card given to me on my birthday in October from my son & a letter that he gave to me on Thanksgiving, just 2 weeks ago. Everything has changed in a matter of days, starting this past Sunday. The words that he wrote are things he's always told me. We have always been EXTREMELY CLOSE. He's always said that I'm his best friend, hero, the best mom in the world & the strongest person he knows. Frankie started to change slowly, since he's been staying with this family. I was friendly with the mom since he was in middle school bcuz he dated her daughter on & off for yrs. But we weren't close. I didn't know her husband at all. They seemed Iike good, solid people. I got to know them better while he's been there. I had NO IDEA that it would go on this long. It's probably better that I didn't know. I really thought that we would get state help. We did not. STILL WAITING ON A DATE FOR THE FAIR HEARING. As I got to know them, they seemed 'judgey' of me. I started to realize that their parenting style was very different from mine. I get that. Everyone's different. I'm not saying that they're bad parents. I also know through this experience that ALOT of people don't fully grasp or understand my situation. You really can't understand unless you walk in a person's shoes. I've always been one to think about that & I've taught my son that through the years if he had a problem with another child. I'VE ALSO HAD MANY PEOPLE- THANK GOD- REALLY UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF MY SITUATION, THAT HAVE SHOWN REAL COMPASSION & LOVE & IT WASN'T THE PEOPLE THAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. MY WHOLE CIRCLE HAS CHANGED THIS YEAR. So little by little I noticed that Frankie was saying things to me, judging me really, that didn't seem to be coming from him- who I know better than anyone does on this planet. He started spending less time with me. Please know that I've still been parenting him while living apart. That's all I know! I can't even imagine not doing that! I would make sure that he got to school on time. We have Life360, so I can track him. And I track him for his safety, since he's had a phone! I call him after school to ask about his day, if he has homework, what his plans are for the evening, etc. I call him to say goodnight. I pick up his food roughly every other day (with the snap) & drop it off to him (also so that I can see him & talk for a few minutes). We always had a running Instagram string of silly memes & videos & also uplifting, religious ones. I wanted to always spend Sundays together. (He works Fri & Sat nights). On Halloween morning I noticed that he didn't go to school. I called him & he said that he was sick & that the mom at the house called him out. There were already some things that they were doing that I felt were overstepping & underhanded. I got very upset. I told him that he needs to call me if he's sick, so I know that he's sick & that I would call him out of school. Keep in mind that I'm over emotional &  flip my lid over small things sometimes bcuz of the situation. I'm reflective, believe it or not. I called the mom to explain that. She got irate with me & said that she's just trying to help, which I understand! But she wouldn't let me talk & kept talking over me & it became a screaming match. I DID NOT WANT THAT. So it didn't end well. THEN THE SCHOOL CALLS & SAYS 'WHO IS THE WOMAN THAT CALLED YOUR SON OUT? YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN DO THAT. NOT EVEN FRANKIE, EVEN THOUGH HE'S 18." KEEP IN MIND, HE'S A SENIOR. THIS IS KILLING ME BCUZ ITS HIS (AND MINE) LAST YEAR OF HIS CHILDHOOD! LATER THAT DAY, MY SON TELLS ME THAT SHE TOOK HIM TO URGENT CARE & PICKED UP PRESCRIBED MEDICINE FOR HIM. AFTER OUR CONVO & SHE DIDN'T EVEN TEXT TO LET ME KNOW! THEN- THE SAME DAY- SHE POSTS A TON OF PICS FROM APPLE PICKING THE PRIOR WEEK, WITH MY SON IN ALL OF THEM, ALMOST AS IF TO STICK THE KNIFE IN DEEPER, KNOWING I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH TIME WITH HIM & THAT I'M HEARTBROKEN ABOUT IT. I NEVER BROUGHT THESE THINGS UP TO HER. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I DO TRY TO LET SOME THINGS GO. SINCE HALLOWEEN, THE FEW TIMES I'VE TRIED TO REACH OUT TO HER ABOUT MY SON, SHE DOESNT PICK UP OR TEXT BACK, ETC. HOW DO PEOPLE THINK THIS WILL TURN OUT FOR A MOM IN MY POSITION? SO, THIS PAST SUNDAY, I HAD PLANS WITH FRANKIE TO GO LOOK AT CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. (I'M STILL A SAPPY MOM!) HE CANCELS. I GET UPSET. I TRY CALLING HER TO SEE IF MAYBE THEY COULD BACK ME UP & TALK TO HIM. NOTHING. THEN THE DAD REACHES OUT INSTEAD. LONG STORY SHORT, HE HAS NO COMPASSION EITHER. SCREAMING MATCH.  ADDED NOTE: NO ONE IS PERFECT. THEY LIVE IN A GLASS HOUSE & SHOULD NOT BE THROWING STONES. YES, I ADMIT, AS YOU ALL KNOW, I'M NOT GOOD AT HOLDING BACK (WORKING ON IT) SO I BROUGHT UP SOME FAULTS OF THEIRS. THEY DIDN'T LIKE THAT. So, Frankie tells me that he doesn't want contact for awhile & needs space. What?!!!!!! He removed himself from Life360, blocked me from both Instagram accounts, wouldn't return my calls & texts... yesterday he texts me from a new number & says that he got a new phone, in his name. TODAY: HIS PRINCIPAL, WHO I'VE KNOWN FOREVER & I AM FRIENDLY WITH & WHO KNOWS THE SITUATION, CALLS ME. FRANKIE WENT TO HIM & REQUESTED THAT SINCE HE'S 18 NOW, I AM TO BE REMOVED FROM ALL SCHOOL THINGS. HE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO COMPLY. HE WAS VERY KIND & FELT SO BAD & WE TALKED FOR AWHILE. I NOW HAVE NO ACCESS TO TEACHERS, 'REALTIME'- WHICH IS HIS ONLINE ACCOUNT FOR GRADES, REPORT CARDS, TARDI'S, ABSENCES, EVERYTHING!! AN ADDED NOTE: MY BROTHER'S WIFE IS A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR IN A NEARBY TOWN. COINCIDENTALLY, HER AND MY MOM JUST BLOCKED ME OUT OF NOWHERE ON SOCIAL MEDIA. THIS WEEK. I BELIEVE THAT SHE HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS. I'M ALSO WONDERING IF MY SON IS NOW LIVING WITH HER & MY ABUSIVE, ALCOHOLIC BROTHER IN NEARBY MONTVILLE. I TEXTED BOTH PARENTS THAT FRANKIE IS STAYING WITH EARLIER THIS AFTERNOON & ASKED IF MY SON IS STILL 'LIVING' THERE. THEY WON'T REPLY!!! YOU COULDN'T PAY ME TO DO THIS TO A MOTHER, ESPECIALLY ONE THAT RAISED HIM BY HERSELF & ONE THATS IN THIS HORRENDOUS SITUATION!! SINCE SUNDAY, I CAN'T STOP CRYING, SHAKING & HAVING EVEN MORE PANIC ATTACKS. I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY. ITS A NEW, HORRIBLE FEELING THAT I WOULDNT WISH ON ANYONE! AGAIN, I HAVE NEVER ABUSED MY BOY, I'M NOT A CRIMINAL, ADDICT, ALCOHOLIC, ETC. THIS IS INSANE!! I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE. SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL ME HOW TO PRETEND THAT I DON'T HAVE A SON. HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT CONTACT WITH HIM. HOW TO NOT BE A PARENT. HOW TO BE A SCUMBAG PARENT WHO ISN'T A PART OF THEIR CHILD'S LIFE. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!!! THIS WAS THE 1ST TIME IN FRANKIE'S LIFE THAT WE EVEN WENT ONE DAY WITHOUT SPEAKING!! I HAVE NOW LOST EVERYTHING. FRANKIE IS MY WORLD. MY WHOLE GOAL IN ALL OF THIS WAS TO BE BACK IN A HOME OF OUR OWN AGAIN. THIS ISN'T MY BOY. THIS ISN'T 'MY BEST BOY' THAT MIGHT WANT TO BE A PASTOR BCUZ I HAD THAT THOUGHT A YEAR & A HALF AGO & SAT DOWN WITH HIM BCUZ I BELIEVE THAT HE HAS A GIFT. THIS ISN'T THE SWEET BOY THAT I RAISED. I DON'T KNOW THIS KID. THE SAD THING IS THAT NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF WE HAD MONEY OR IF THE JUDGE IN JULY HAD ORDERED THE LUMP SUM OF BACK CHILD SUPPORT TO BE PAID (CURRENTLY 12K), WHICH WOULD'VE BEEN PAID BCUZ HIS FAMILY HAS MONEY, THEY PUT NOTHING IN HIS NAME & THEY WOULD DO ANYTHING TO KEEP HIM OUT OF JAIL. OR IF WE GOT THE TEMPORARY HELP THAT THE ILLEGALS RECEIVE, FROM THE STATE. OR IF MY INJURY, THAT HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY EX FIANCE, HAD NEVER HAPPENED. OR IF I HAD A NORMAL FAMILY THAT HELPED ME OR WOULD TAKE US IN, LIKE MANY SINGLE MOMS. OR IF WE HADN'T LOST OUR HEALTH INS, RIGHT WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST BCUZ OF  HERNIATED DISCS & SURGERY THAT I NEED OR IF IT WASN'T A NIGHTMARE TO GET BACK (TOOK OVER A YEAR). I KNOW SOME OF YOU WILL SAY, ITS ALL EXCUSES! ITS EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT! GUESS WHAT? SOMETIMES, FOR SOME PEOPLE, IT IS!!! UNFORTUNATELY, THIS WAS THE ONLY LOCAL FAMILY THAT OFFERED TO TAKE HIM IN. AND NO ONE COULD TAKE US IN TOGETHER. IF WE WERE TOGETHER, THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED. WE'VE ALWAYS HAD THE BEST RELATIONSHIP!! I CAN'T BEAR ANYMORE. This Thanksgiving, Frankie chose to spend most of the day with his dad's side. He invited himself a week or two beforehand, to his cousin who is his age. (His grandpa texted him the day before Thanksgiving & said that he is always welcome). This hurt me but, believe it or not, it's VERY RARE that I've forbidden him from ANY FAMILY- BOTH SIDES. He came by me around 7:30 & we spent the whole night together, which was great. He told me that his dad was there & at one point, he was in another room with his dad, two cousins- one his age, the other a freshman, and Frankie's half-brother who is around 8 yrs old. His dad tells them about a bar that allows underage drinking, that he already texted my nephews about. Then he starts showing them pics of a woman he's chatting with. A prostitute. He tells them how much she charges for things & shows them lewd pics of her & by accident shows a lewd pic of himself. The conversation made me cry. He also had previously told me that his dad bought vapes for my nephews. This is why I fought in the courts for my boy his whole life. THE IRONY IS THAT THIS ALL HAPPENED AS THINGS WERE LOOKING UP! OUR HEALTH INS KICKED IN ON 12/1! I HAVE AN MRI SCHEDULED IN A WEEK! 3 WKS AGO, FRIENDS OF MINE IN TOWN CALLED. THEY HAVE A FRIEND IN TOWN THAT RENTS ROOMS. THE OWNER WAS KIND ENOUGH TO TAKE ME IN THAT DAY & CUT THE RENT IN HALF! MY FRIEND CALLED HER FRIEND THAT HOLDS OFFICE HERE. HE CALLED FIRST REFORMED CHURCH & AS OF 2 DAYS AGO, THEY PAID THE OWNER FOR DEC & JAN!! THANK YOU TO ALL OF THEM!! GOD BLESS YOU!! THANK YOU, JESUS!! 
BUT NOW? I CAN'T BREATHE. PLEASE PRAY!!!!!

Please keep sharing the link~ Today is #GivingTuesday2024 🙏💔 #GivingTuesday 

Jesus, please help us. We need a miracle. 

#GivingTuesday #givingtuesday2024

Please keep sharing this link. Still apart from my boy. The holidays have made all of this worse. It is a struggle to not cry every second of the day.

Praying for a miracle. #givingtuesday 

Update. Last week I was able to spend a few nights in a hotel, with the donations. Thank you all so much. ❤️ At just the right time, as I was running out of money, a friend reached out & offered a place to stay for roughly a week. I should be ok until around Saturday. Extremely grateful!! 🙌 More help came afterwards & I was able to pay our car insurance, just in the knick of time (Frankie pays his share). I have 2 more bills due in the next few days & not enough money to pay them. They are extremely important. I have nowhere to go this Saturday. This is going to continue until I can either find someone that is willing to take me & my cat in for atleast a month or two, so that I can look for a job & interview, OR if I am able to get enough donations to find a room to rent for the next month or two. The issue has been that the donations come in increments that are not enough to put towards a month anywhere & also if I've been in my car for hours & its late in the day, I need to put the money towards atleast a night in a hotel because there's not enough time to obviously look into a room to rent at that moment. I'm in alot of pain from all of the moving but atleast our health insurance kicks in on Dec 1st, FINALLY. My car is still out for repo. I owe roughly 2K. If I lose this car, I will absolutely LOSE MY MIND. Also, I don't care who doesn't 'agree' but THERE'S NO WAY THAT I'M GIVING UP MY BELOVED CAT RIGHT NOW, EVEN TEMPORARILY. That beautiful loving boy is helping me through this & I am so beyond depressed that I can't bare the thought of not having him. I've already had to live without my son since August. I can't mentally do it. Sorry for those who do not understand that. I don't even know how i am still here. I also refuse to be far from my son. I'm STILL WAITING FOR A DATE FOR MY FAIR HEARING TRIAL WITH THE STATE. I also want to say that my boy still needs me. He needs his mother. We need to be together and this is a travesty & an injustice from the state. MY HEART IS BEYOND BROKEN!!!!! This is his senior year!!! And yes, he is safe & being taken care of but (no disrespect to the family that is housing him) HE STILL NEEDS HIS MOTHER. I don't think it should go unnoticed that I RAISED THE BEST KID EVER, BY MYSELF!!! My God, I've done something right!!!! I should be able to finish the task!!! Frankie's dad is not in his life and the state COULDN'T EVEN HELP US TEMPORARILY SO THAT WE COULD STAY TOGETHER AS A FAMILY UNIT!!!! THE ILLEGALS AND EVEN THE ILLEGALS THAT ARE MURDERERING OUR CITIZENS ARE GETTING FAR MORE HELP THAN WE HAVE GOTTEN AND ARE GETTING!!!!! We were denied everything!!!! And given no guidance and even treated horribly!!!! As a taxpayer and as US CITIZENS!!!!!! 

And I will say again that our community has also broken my heart. I hope to God that if something (God forbid) happens to me, that our community will come together to help my sweet boy. I know that they feel I'm not good enough for them to help, but I'm hoping that they feel that my son is. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. Again, my Venmo is @Tanya-Zakk. 

Update: Last night a friend reached out and let me stay there for one night. Thank you, my friend!!! And, thank you Jesus!!! I have nowhere to go tonight. And, not enough money for a hotel room. I did just receive a very generous donation on GiveSendGo from my old bestie!!!! Thank you, my friend!! God bless you!!! I love you!! Unfortunately, the donations from GiveSendGo don't hit our account for about a week. Ugh!! If anyone would like to help quickly, my Venmo is @Tanya-Zakk. You'll see my picture. Thank you also for the few who have reached out the past few days. You are keeping me going. My back pain right now is unbearable because of all the packing up and unpacking of luggage and my cat & cat litter, etc. Please keep praying. Thank you so much. ❤️🙏

#givingtuesday 

I'm sitting in my car with my cat who won't stop meowing, and the dirty cat litter box with not enough money to go anywhere & I'm gonna pee my pants. THIS POST DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED US ALONG THE WAY. But, can you imagine the mindset of all of my family & friends that have turned a blind eye to this? Especially considering that I have not done ANYTHING so terrible in my life to deserve this? I'm not a thief, addict, the list goes on... I'm not a criminal. EVERYONE knows what's going on here & that me & my son have been living apart since early August. Still owed 12K in back child support.

IAN CORCORAN, WHO REPRESENTATED ME AT THE FIRST HEARING WAS SUPPOSED TO REQUEST A LUMP SUM TO BE PAID AFTER SEEING ALL OF THE EVIDENCE THAT MY EX WAS WORKING FOR MONTHS, HIDING IT & THEN LIED TO CHILD SUPPORT ALONG WITH THE OWNER OF PRICELESS PETS. HE DID NOT REQUEST ANY SUM TO BE PAID. THE HEARING OFFICER DID NOT ORDER A DIME TO BE PAID. I FORGET HER NAME. I APPEALED. THE NEXT DAY WE HAD A TRIAL WITH JUDGE DEMARZO. MY EX DID NOT SHOW. JUDGE DEMARZO DID NOT ORDER A DIME TO BE PAID. ALL INVOLVED KNEW THAT ME & MY SON ARE HOMELESS. 

My son's father & his family ABSOLUTELY CAN AFFORD TO HELP. Frank, his parents Pat & Frank Colvin, my son's aunt & Godmother Kristen Riley, my son's cousin & Godfather Doug Passaro... that list goes on. It's DISGUSTING. And alot of them have chosen to HURT us along the way instead. We were denied by the state for Emergency Housing help which includes help with paying for our storage unit which is way past due & all of our belongings will be up for auction in DAYS (namely Raven Meehan and Marisol Heredia), still waiting on a date for the Fair Hearing Trial since early October. My REPUBLICAN DISTRICT REPS, NAMELY SENATOR PENNACHIO DENIED US HELP ALSO. 

YUP. I'VE NAMED NAMES. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. 

If anyone can share this link or help in any way, I pray that you do. Thank you.

Update: As I stated in a recent update, I've been staying with a friend temporarily. I've stayed way longer than we both have planned. I am EXTREMELY GRATEFUL TO HIM!!!!! THANK YOU, MY FRIEND!!!! But, because of certain circumstances (nothing bad), I need to leave. I'm planning on leaving tomorrow. I will go to a hotel tomorrow but after that, I have nowhere to go. If anyone knows of anyone that would be willing to take me & my cat in for awhile, please let me know. Preferably in Pequannock or a neighboring town so that I'm close to my boy. This is really what I need: somewhere to go for a 'longer temporary stay'. If I can find somewhere to go, where I know that I can stay for about a month or two, I can look for a job. (It's helpful that our health insurance is effective on December 1st, so I know that I can get my back taken care of. I'm actually going to start making doctor's appointments now for December.) If I can find someplace to stay atleast that long & find a good job quickly, I can then start filling out applications for financial help at churches, which can go towards the month & a half security & first month's rent for a new apartment for me & my boy. No landlord will take a new renter that has no job. Lol. And alot of churches won't give financial help with no plan in place & some of them literally only write a check TO THE LANDLORD, NOT TO ME. This has been my plan all along (after being denied by the state for any housing help- still waiting for a set date for my Fair Housing Trial- I have a strong case). Please keep praying for a miracle for us. I am praying to somehow have a place for us before the holidays. This is adding to the depression. I also want to say something that some people may find to be strange or crazy. As you all know, me and my son are Born Again Christians. I pray everyday, all day. I watch sermons of my favorite Pastor's daily. This has helped me so much. (My son attends church & youth group weekly. I haven't been going to in person church because of the back pain & also my housing circumstances. I intend to start going at some point with my son). Please also know that I never said that I was perfect. I KNOW that I am not. I am a sinner & I know my faults & I pray about it & ask forgiveness daily & I try everyday to work on myself. I know that I'm bitter & I get angry & I have a hard time forgiving, among other things. So, as I watch sermons from different Pastors, I always know when the Lord is speaking directly to me. He'll send me the PERFECT SERMON for what I'm going through & what I need at exactly the right moment. And when He's REALLY trying to tell me something, He'll lead me to sermons & Bible verses FROM DIFFERENT PASTORS OR OUTLETS OVER & OVER ABOUT THE SAME TOPIC!! Lol!! So, the past few months I've learned from many different Christian sources that I need to start LIVING & ACTING AS IF MY MIRACLE HAS ALREADY COME. (It's very similar to the secular teachings on the Law of Attraction & the Power of Positivity- I believe that the Bible is where they got it from, even unknowingly). 

So...

I AM DECLARING A VICTORY. I AM DECLARING THAT ME & MY BOY HAVE OUR MIRACLE. ITS THERE. I TRUST IN MY LORD & SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST. I HAVE FULL FAITH THAT GOD, THE HOLY SPIRIT & JESUS CHRIST HAVE US WRAPPED IN HIS LOVING ARMS. HE WILL NOT LET US DOWN & HE WILL BLESS US. ME & FRANKIE HAVE STAYED IN FAITH. ITS NOT EASY. WE CONSTANTLY LIFT EACH OTHER UP WHEN THE OTHER IS GROWING WEARY OR GETTING DISCOURAGED. I TRUST GOD'S PLAN FOR US. HALLELUJAH, HE IS KING!!! THANK YOU JESUS FOR GETTING US THIS FAR & MORE IMPORTANTLY, FOR OUR SALVATION!!! 🙌❤️

And I also rebuke Satan. He has thrown everything at me, with all of his might. I rebuke Satan in the name of Jesus, my Heavenly Father!!! I believe that Satan has tried so hard to take me down because he knows that I'm very open with my Faith. And he knows that I'm very open & outspoken about my politics. And yes, he has shut me up quite a bit in this past year & a half during this extremely difficult time. BUT NO MORE. 

Please keep sharing this link & please keep praying for us. 🙏 From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. God bless you!!!

A few updates. But first, I want to thank everyone again who has prayed for us, donated, reached out to us, shared our link and helped in many other ways. God bless you all and me & my son have prayed for every single one of you. You have been a blessing to us. I am forever grateful. I also want to say that my son has been staying with a family in our town, that we are friends with, since early August. They are good, solid people. He is safe and very well cared for. And as much as it is breaking my heart that we are apart, I am so thankful for them. Thank you, Jesus. 

I failed to mention in my last update (I did post about it on social media), that my son finally got a car in September, right before he turned 18. He is a senior in high school this year. By the grace of God, he was able to save $2,000 again (after he gave up his first savings to help keep me and him afloat). I was searching for many hours for about two weeks on Facebook Marketplace & Craigslist for something safe & decent (slim to none in the 2K range). I finally found a 2009 Ford Escape that was in decent condition (just high mileage) on Facebook Marketplace. It turned out that I shared a mutual friend with the seller and I was BEYOND RELIEVED when I investigated him (Lol! Location was Bayonne- quite far & I was concerned for our safety going to check it out) and found out that he was a POLICE OFFICER!!! He was a great guy! We test drove it and inspected it & asked a ton of questions. He seemed honest & trustworthy & I really feel like it was sent from God. I also prayed on it. We paid him that day & took the Title.  We wound up going back the next day to pick it up & the seller even met us at the Bayonne Motor Vehicles to help us & also put the plates on for us! Haha! I was clueless! My son followed me "home" in my car (it's newer & safer)... BUT... I have to say, that was awful. It was a Monday during rush hour & if you know the Bayonne area, then you know how bad it is. I lost my boy within minutes & seriously almost had a heart attack & definitely an ongoing panic attack, while I rerouted my GPS to find him, called him & told him to find a safe area to wait and to lock his doors, all while still driving myself. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. But, we finally made it back safely, hours later, which was what I kept praying for, the whole way. But this car for him, was at the top of my list and I was so incredibly happy that we got it done! He loves it!!! And it has raised his spirits SO MUCH!!! The other update is that my car is out for repossession again, unfortunately. In August, I was able to get it caught up in payments & out of repo (they never found it to take it) with the help of a friend. But, it's back in repo status. I really need help. Also, our storage bill is past due and we have no access to our belongings again. In twenty something days, they will put our belongings up for auction. Our whole life is in there. 

We did receive some good news this past Friday. We were FINALLY approved for state health insurance. This was MAJOR. And this was a horrible and EXTREMELY LONG ORDEAL. But, unfortunately it won't be effective until December 1st. I tried everything I could to try to get them to make it effective for November 1st, to no avail. I'll still take it as a win. But, we haven't had health insurance for a year. Between my back (the herniated disc's), both of us not going to the dentist, my son needs a physical, etc. It's just not good. Please keep praying for us. We really need a MIRACLE. I MISS MY BOY SO MUCH. I cry everyday. I am really hopeless. Everyday, I'm making calls & trying new avenues, but I'm not making much headway. Please keep sharing this link. Thank you and God bless. 

Today is my 50th birthday. If you believe in Jesus, can you pray for a miracle for me? I believe in miracles. Things have only gotten worse for me. Health insurance is STILL PENDING. Still in pain. Me and my boy have been living apart since early August because no one could take us in together, with our cat. We were denied almost everything by the state, including any kind of housing help. I requested a fair hearing a few weeks ago. No date set yet. I KNOW THAT WE WERE DENIED EVERYTHING BECAUSE WE ARE U.S. CITIZENS AND ALSO BECAUSE WE ARE WHITE. WHAT YOU ARE SEEING ON THE NEWS REGARDING FEMA & THE STORMS & THE FEMA MONEY GOING TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS, IS ALL TRUE. I AM LIVING A NIGHTMARE. WE HAVE GOTTEN NOTHING THAT THE ILLEGALS ARE GETTING. NO FANCY HOTEL, NO FREE CELL PHONES, STILL NO HEALTH INS, NO GAS CARDS, NO GIFT CARDS, THE LIST GOES ON. 

[Edit: I have worked my whole life. I started babysitting at 12. All through school. My first job for cash was at 15 years old, waitressing at the pizzeria around the corner from my house. I would walk there after school and on weekends. I got my working papers at 16 and worked at the Friendly's in Pompton Plains, after school and on weekends. When I got my drivers license at 17, I worked part time at Willowbrook Mall during high school. After high school, I worked full time and that never stopped until fairly recently. I am a tax payer. I have paid into the economy my whole life. This is UNBELIEVABLE. ]

I am reaching out to my REPUBLICAN STATE REPS about ALL OF IT. Since August 29th, I have been in hotels with the help of a small group of old friends that I am BEYOND GRATEFUL FOR. Before that, I was staying with an old friend for 3 weeks. The past few nights, I've been staying with a different friend, temporarily. 

Every route I have taken to try to get TEMPORARY HELP- through the state, etc- has led me to a brick wall. 

[Another added edit: It is impossible to work when you don't even know where you will sleep that night. There were MANY days like this. Countless days of literally being in my car for up to 8 hours, with my cat, and the cat litter (!!!) trying to figure out where to go next and how. And between the hours spent in my car, the packing and unpacking and the loading and unloading of my car, it has been horrendous on my back.]

Depressed is not a good enough word for how I feel. I want my boy back. I want our life back. 

You also can't believe the callousness that I have encountered from 'friends'. That's why I stopped posting. 

I have learned alot these past months. 

I have had to go to the police station twice for two separate, very serious issues concerning my safety. 

There are many predators out there. And yes, very local. 

I have been prey. 100%.

There are people that look to 'help' vulnerable people & it is sometimes hard to see that it's coming from evil until it's too late. 

I don't think I can take anymore pain or heartache. Alot of people don't get it and have been completely judgemental. Does anyone think that this is what I want??????? 

I have been in pure HELL AND MISERY. 

Please pray for me and my boy.

For the few that care! We are in H**l !!!! Two nights ago, me & my son wound up staying with friends in town that saw my post. Last night, we had enough money to stay in a cheap hotel in our town. I really thought it would be ok. It wasn't. Roaches. No sleep. We had to separate from our beloved cat yesterday, hopefully temporarily. If anyone can take him temporarily that is local, please let me know. Preferably with no other pets. I'm not surrendering him. He is our family & we already miss him & I'm crying again just writing this. He snuggles with me every night & not having him didn't help with sleep last night. He also helps with my depression. I will soon have to part with my son. This is EXACTLY WHAT MY FAMILY & MY EX HUSBAND'S FAMILY WANT & HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR! THEIR WISH IS COMING TRUE! NO HELP, NO SUPPORT FROM THEM & NO CHILD SUPPORT & OWED $11,250.00 ALL WHILE THEY ALL LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE! TRUST ME, THEY ARE ALL GLOATING RIGHT NOW. "WE BROKE HER! WE FINALLY DID IT!!" YEARS AND YEARS OF ABUSE! My son has now missed countless days of work (two different jobs) because he still has no car & I can't get him to work & pick him up while dealing with this on the days that are really bad, like today, with tons of bags that I can't manage & nowhere to go & no money & sitting in our car for hours trying to figure this out. YOU CANNOT IMAGINE!!!!!! 

⭐️AND THANK YOU TO MY 'FRIENDS'  THAT HAVE IGNORED THESE POSTS FOR ALL THESE MONTHS- NOT A PEEP- ONLY FOR ME TO SEE THAT THESE 'FRIENDS' RECENTLY CONTRIBUTED TO OTHER GOFUNDME'S IN MY TOWN!!! (THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OTHER CHARITIES, BUT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY 'FRIENDS').⭐️

WE HAVE NOTHING. NO MONEY. NO CASH. NO SAVINGS. NO HOME. NO ASSETS. NO STOCKS. NO BONDS. NO INSURANCE. DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYONE WORSE OFF FINANCIALLY???? MEANWHILE, I'VE BEEN CRYING IN AGONY FROM THE PAIN OF PACKING UP AGAIN & CLEANING THE OTHER DAY FOR HOURS & LUGGING OUR BAGS AROUND NOW. ITS UNBEARABLE PAIN!!!! ANOTHER DAY FROM H**L . ON ABOUT ONE HOUR OF SLEEP. I HAVEN'T SHOWERED IN A WEEK. HONESTLY, TO THE ONES WHO DO LOVE ME, DO NOT LET PEOPLE CRY IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME. (NOT SELF HARM). BUT, I'M HONESTLY TELLING YOU THAT MY PANIC ATTACKS ARE LITERALLY LASTING HOURS NOW. I DON'T HAVE THE LUXERY OF EVEN GOING TO THE HOSPITAL! I HAVE TO KEEP MOVING! BECAUSE OTHERWISE I WILL DEFINITELY LOSE EVERYTHING!! NO ONE WILL PAY FOR OUR STORAGE UNIT THAT WE HAVE NO ACCESS TO RIGHT NOW WITH ALL OF OUR BELONGINGS, OUR CAR THAT IS- YES- STILL OUT FOR REPO, TAKE CARE OF OUR CAT & MOST IMPORTANTLY MY SON!!! I AM STATING HERE THAT HE IS NOT TO GO WITH MY FAMILY OR HIS FATHER'S FAMILY IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME. THEY ALL CONTRIBUTED TO THIS. 

JESUS, PLEASE HELP US!!!!! I CANT TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS!!!!!

Long update. As you know, last week I had court 3 days in a row, for 2 separate issues, both of which I won (even though I didn't get exactly what I wanted in the Child Support trial).  Because of that win, my ex-father-in-law decided to write a disgusting 'poem' about me on his public Facebook page. (I have all the screenshots of the post, the date, the comments, the people who 'liked' the post- and someone even shared it!) It is full of lies, disparaging me & putting me down for the situation that we're in, even though he knew that his son was working since at least before March for cash and not paying the court ordered child support. He knows that his son owes over 11K in back support (currently $11,254.40). He's known about our GiveSendGo since it started in March & that we were facing eviction. He and my ex were texting my son all along, making fun of me for it. He also wrote this poem while having my ex live with him & his wife (an over 55 upscale community- my ex is 50. I'm sure the HOA doesn't realize this & that my ex is a convicted felon) & giving him his beautiful corvette to drive as his own. Nothing is ever in my ex's name so that child support can't seize it. This public post of his is no shock. He has been an extreme bully to me since the day I left his son in 2007. More on this later in this update. Me & my son can only stay at my friend's house until tomorrow. There is good reason for that on my friend's end. I've known that since he first offered & I stated that in my updates. WE ARE STILL PENDING IN THE SYSTEM WITH THE STATE FOR QUITE A FEW THINGS. We did receive food stamps about two weeks ago though, which I am thankful for. THE STATE HAS BASICALLY REFUSED TO HELP US WITH HOUSING. They know the situation. I've been following up daily & most days I am told via email that someone will call me 'tomorrow'. That never happens & when I call, either no one picks up, my worker isn't in, her supervisor isn't in or I get their voicemail when they ARE in & they do not call me back. For all the people who think that the state process for help for the homeless is easy, YOU ARE WRONG. Yesterday, my caseworker for housing actually told me via email that we should STAY WITH MY FRIEND & NOT LEAVE & THEN HE WILL HAVE TO EVICT US. WHAT?!!!!!!! THIS IS HER ADVICE?? TO BE A SQUATTER IN MY FRIEND'S HOME?? MY FRIEND WHO HAS BEEN SO GRACIOUS?? I WENT OFF. VIA EMAIL. BECAUSE SHE WOULDNT CALL ME. I LET HER KNOW THAT I WILL BE CONTACTING MY REPUBLICAN STATE REPRESENTATIVES. I TOLD HER THAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT ME & MY SON WOULD GET HERE IN NJ UNDER DEMOCRAT MURPHY, IF WE HAD JUST COME OVER THE BORDER AS ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS. I ASKED HER TO PLEASE ADVISE VIA EMAIL SO THAT I HAVE DOCUMENTATION GOING FORWARD WHEN I REACH OUT TO REPRESENTATIVES. I NEVER HEARD BACK FROM HER. WELL, I'M SURE THAT I CAN FIND THIS OUT MYSELF. BECAUSE, I HAVE LEARNED THROUGH THE YEARS OF BEING A CONSERVITIVE & FOLLOWING THE NEWS ON THE DAILY, THAT MOST STATES- ESPECIALLY BLUE STATES- ARE PUTTING THEM UP IN HOTELS, GIVING THEM GAS CARDS, GIFT CARDS, FREE CELL PHONES, FOODSTAMPS & HELPING TO ENROLL THEM QUICKLY FOR HEALTH INSURANCE. I EXPECT THE SAME TREATMENT, IF NOT BETTER, AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, BORN HERE, WORKING MOST OF MY LIFE, PAYING MY TAXES & CONTRIBUTING ECONOMICALLY TO THE STATE & THE COUNTRY AS A CONSUMER. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. IF ANYONE DOES NOT BELIEVE WHAT I AM STATING ABOUT WHAT I WAS ADVISED TO DO BY A STATE WORKER & THAT I WAS LITERALLY TOLD THAT SHE CAN'T HELP US, PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME & I WILL SHOW YOU THE EMAILS. SO, ME & MY SON HAVE NOWHERE TO GO AS OF TOMORROW. YES, I AM STILL ASKING THAT ANYONE WHO HAS NOT SHARED THIS LINK, PLEASE SHARE!!! ANY LITTLE BIT HELPS!!! THIS IS TEMPORARY WHILE WE ARE PENDING IN THE SYSTEM FOR OTHER HELP, WHILE I REACH OUT TO MY STATE REPS AND ALSO RETAIN A FREE ATTORNEY TO SUE MY EX HUSBAND IN CIVIL COURT FOR THE CHILD SUPPORT OWED. IT WOULD BE REALLY NICE IF WE COULD STAY IN A CHEAP, LOCAL, CLEAN HOTEL TEMPORARILY IF WE HAD ANY MONEY. Also, our only car is still out for repossession (3 payments behind totaling roughly $1500 plus late fees). If anyone doesnt believe that, I can provide documentation. Actually, I can back up every single statement that I have made in my initial GiveSendGo & in all of the updates. My son still does not have a car. He is almost 18. He will be a senior in high school this year which is supposed to be the best year of his high school career & its looking like it will be even worse than the last two years. We are struggling mentally. I called our storage unit facility a few days ago. We are now 11 days late on our monthly bill & we lost access to our belongings on day 6. We accrued a late fee & the amount due right now is just under $250. On day 36 we will receive a foreclosure fee of $120, another late fee & our belongings will be scheduled for auction. Our whole life is in that storage unit. I was told by my caseworker that the state will not help me with our bills. That includes car payment, car insurance, storage unit & cell phone bill. ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH ANOTHER LEGAL MATTER WITH THE OWNER OF PRICELESS PETS. SHE HAD ME CHARGED WITH A PETTY DISORDERLY PERSONS OFFENSE. SHE HAD ME CHARGED!! THIS WAS NOT SMART OF HER. MY FIRST COURT APPEARANCE IS THIS MONDAY, THE 5TH. THE VERY THING THAT SHE IS CHARGING ME WITH, WHICH IS WRITTEN ON THE COMPAINT- SUMMONS, IS THE VERY THING THAT SHE HAS DONE TO ME. THE WHOLE THING IS FILLED WITH LIES & OBVIOUSLY ONCE AGAIN, THE JUDGE WAS NOT PRIVY TO THE WHOLE SITUATION OF WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON HERE. SHE WAS ALSO NAMED BY THE JUDGE  IN THE RULING FROM LAST FRIDAY REGARDING THE CHILD SUPPORT CASE AND IS ORDERED TO PROVIDE SOME INFO TO THE STATE. SHE'S GOT SOME SPLAINING TO DO.  I AM TAKING THIS AS FAR AS I CAN POSSIBLY GO & THAT IS ALL THAT I WILL SAY ABOUT THAT. THIS IS ANOTHER ADDED STRESS FOR ME & EXTREMELY TIME CONSUMING. AND THIS WOMAN OFCOURSE KNOWS OUR WHOLE SITUATION AS SHE HAS SLANDERED ME (SLANDER MEANS LYING ABOUT YOU- NOT TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU) ON SOCIAL MEDIA & ALSO MOCKED ME FOR OUR SITUATION, WHEN SHE IS ANOTHER PERSON WHO HAS ADDED TO OUR FINANCIAL SITUATION BY BREAKING THE LAW, FOR MONTHS & MONTHS & THEN LYING TO A GOVERNMENT WORKER WHEN THEY CALLED HER. WHAT SHE HAS DONE IS A FEDERAL CRIME. AND THAT IS NOT SLANDER. THAT IS A FACT. NOW, BACK TO MY EX HUSBAND & HIS FAMILY. My ex was caught in tons of lies in court last week after being sworn in. Ofcourse, nothing was done to him for that. One of the things that made no sense was where he says he resides. At one point I was able to ask, "who has custody of his other son?" I asked for good reason, as his other son along with himself are financially taken care of- VERY WELL- by my ex's family. His son who is 8 yrs old lost his mother a few years ago due to a drug overdose. Atleast a year before she passed away, I was told by my ex sister in law, that she & her husband had custody of the child. They reside in my town. The child has gone to school in our town since he was a toddler (daycare/ preschool) & has now been attending the elementary school 2 doors down from them for atleast the past year or two. So my ex states in court that he himself has custody. Hmmm... Up until last fall, I was under the impression that he was living alone in an apartment in Bergen County for many years. The judge then asks him where he resides. He says, New York with my parents. Judge asks for how long. He states, atleast 4- 5 months. Judge then says, Well, your child was going to school in New Jersey in your sister's town. Right? Also, in the TRO that he had on me (which was dismissed in court last week- I won) he listed his residence as his sisters house. He was also working at that time at Priceless Pets which is in that same town- my town. He did NOT list New York. Now, if you are in fear for your safety so much that you put a TRO on someone, wouldnt you list YOUR REAL, PRIMARY RESIDENCE? None of it makes any sense. I also asked, Who is paying for my ex's cell phone? Gas money? Food? How about his other son's food, clothing, health insurance, shelter, etc? This is all unreal. No solid answers & ofcourse no repercussions for lying under oath. I also want to say that my son is treated like an outcast with my ex & his family. And obviously, NO FINANCIAL HELP. WE ARE HOMELESS. HE HAS NO CAR.  Also, this family has used the court system COUNTLESS TIMES AGAINST ME AS REVENGE. I have always gotten everything dismissed & have always won. But it has been extremely stressful & time consuming. I'm sure alot of my friends will remember when I was in a court battle with them in 2016. At the time, he owed us 10K in back child support. His parents got him a lawyer & took me to court to try to overturn the Supervised Visitation Order that I had in place since 2008. (I was awarded Full Legal & Physical Custody of my son in 2008 with Supervised Visitation for my ex with the person/s of my choosing. I had tons of evidence that I provided for that case). I was working full time in 2016 at a job that I worked at for 5 years. I was working 9- 5 & making 40K. I couldnt afford a lawyer but didnt qualify for a free one. I represented myself. I lost. I started a GoFundMe to raise funds for a lawyer. You can look it up. Its public & a quicker read than this one. I got a lawyer & won. That year was awful. Just one example of the evil. 

I just want to say that I've really been treated shamefully these last few months. I will not accept that. I am God's child. What I would give to be able to move the way that I used to and not only that, but my God, without pain!! I cry about it all the time. What I would give to hustle about the way that I used to, literally morning til late at night. Wake up, get myself & my son ready, get him to school, go to work 9-5, pick him up, usually a sports practice or game (he's played every sport and always played a sport every season, up until last year when he narrowed it down to just lax.) Then usually run an errand or two, dinner, help him with homework, get him to bed, walk 2 miles on my treadmill (6 days a week for countless years), do my 20 push-ups (everyday since the age of 17), throw in laundry twice a week, a social life/ dating on the weekends, straightening up the house daily, the list goes on. I AM MOURNING MY OLD LIFE, THE WAY MY BODY USED TO WORK, MY SIX YEAR RELATIONSHIP/ ENGAGEMENT, NORMALCY WITH MY BEAUTIFUL BOY,  AND OUR HOME. 

BUT I WILL RISE AGAIN. 

My God, if you truly think that I am choosing to live this life the way that it is right now and has been for some time, and watching my child suffer, if you actually think that I'm faking something- to live like this??? Then you don't know me and you never truly knew me. And I don't want that in my life. I have enough despair. I'd like to see some of the people that I know are judging me and talking badly about me, get through all of the beyond painful things that I have been dealt, since the day I was born. I might rub people the wrong way because I speak my mind and I don't take anyone's you know what. BUT I AM NOT A LIAR AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN. I WILL COME OUT OF THIS EVENTUALLY. I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN. AND I PRAY THAT MY SON WILL BE BLESSED ONE DAY FOR BEING THE GREATEST KID AND SON THAT I COULD EVER ASK FOR. And if you don't think that I feel guilt every day, all day when I look at my sweet boy and ask myself over and over how this happened to our sweet (but humble) life, you are dead wrong. My son is the only one who witnesses all of it everyday. We talk about everything and we talk constantly. We share I love you's all day, hugs all day, texts all day, a running Instagram thread of either ridiculous memes or uplifting Bible videos, we pray together. Atleast we have all of that still. And as I write this I realize that, that's a gift in itself. We've  always had all of that, but I guess if you're gonna lose everything and have one thing left to hold onto, that would probably be the one to choose. 

NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER.

You really don't know someone's pain. And if I didn't have Jesus and my son, alot of people that I know would've added to my demise. And I really mean that. There's no way that I would still be here. It's really too much for one person. But I know that God has a plan for me and my boy. And I also know that every single story in the Bible is about the people with the greatest struggles and for long periods of time.  But their endings are always the greatest endings. And the reward of Heaven is even greater.

Court is over. My ex husband didn't even appear, even though he was supposed to. Judge refused to order any amount of support to be paid quickly. (He owes well over 11K now). He agreed with the hearing officer from yesterday's court appearance and is giving my ex husband until September 1st to find a job. (This is unbelievable). I told him the whole story. I did get a little more of a win than yesterday in that he ordered that if my ex misses ONE SUPPORT PAYMENT (instead of yesterday's ruling of 2 consecutive payments) there will be a warrant issued for his arrest going forward. That is one of the two things that I wanted today and something that i have been begging them to do for the 14 years that we've been in the system. He's never been arrested for non support. I did also get a bit of a win in regards to something else (not monetary, unfortunately) that I can't speak about right now. But it's good and I didn't know that it was even something that could be done. My next step going forward is getting free legal aid to sue him in civil court. I am going to make a longer update later. Please keep sharing our link. We are living in a nightmare. Our only car is out for repo and we are about to lose all of our belongings in the storage unit that I can't pay right now. The bill is 6 days past due.

Quick update. I basically lost today. I am appealing & so we have a trial tomorrow morning (Friday) via Zoom. Today was a telephonic hearing in front of a Hearing Officer & I was defended by a Probation Officer. Tomorrow we will be in front of a judge. They had ALL of the evidence & knew everything about our situation & the situation that me & my son are in. We were sworn in and just like yesterday in court, the lies that my ex husband spoke were completely insane. He was even caught in lies today & they really don't seem to care. If I didn't appeal, this is what I would've gotten: HE HAS 30 DAYS TO FIND A JOB. (HE 'LOST' THE PRICELESS PETS JOB RIGHT AFTER ONE CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENT WAS MADE FROM HIS PAYCHECK). AFTER SEPTEMBER 1ST, IF HE MISSES TWO CONSECUTIVE CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS, THERE IS A BENCH WARRANT ISSUED FOR HIS ARREST. Now yes, that part is more than I've ever had and I've been begging for that since we've been in the system since 2010. But, I was ADAMENT about requesting a lump sum of the total owed which is now over 11K. I have evidence that the one time a judge ordered him to pay a lump sum (over 6K) in 2016 with the threat of an arrest warrant, he SOMEHOW WAS ABLE TO PAY IT WITHIN A WEEK. MORE ON THAT LATER. So tonight, like many other nights, I will submit all the evidence again via email to the court. More hours wasted. WE NEED MAJOR PRAYERS!!! The lengths that this man has gone to, to NOT PAY CHILD SUPPORT is disgusting!!!! Also, even if we do get it, it won't be for atleast a week. We are still in the pending process for state help. I've submitted our cell phone, car insurance, storage unit bill & car payments to them. They asked for that. I have not heard back and I AM FOLLOWING UP EVERYDAY. OUR CAR IS OUT FOR REPO AND OUR STORAGE UNIT BILL (WHERE ALL OF OUR BELONGINGS ARE) IS 5 DAYS PAST DUE. WE ARE ABOUT TO LOSE EVERYTHING THAT WE HAVE. I AM ASKING THAT YOU PLEASE KEEP SHARING OUR LINK. THIS IS TEMPORARY UNTIL OUR STATE HELP IS IN PLACE AND GOD WILLING, WE GET THE CHILD SUPPORT THAT IS OWED TO US. I hope that my family and his father's family are very happy while living their best lives and vacationing, going out to dinner and functions, etc while my son is suffering. I DON'T EXPECT THEM TO HELP ME. BUT, I DO EXPECT THEM TO HELP MY BOY AND AT THE VERY LEAST GET HIM A CAR. YES. I DO. 

More to come later. Thank you and God bless. 

TRO DISMISSED. I WON. Today was the third (he had it adjourned twice) and last court appearance for the TRO that my ex husband put on me the day after I caught him red handed on video working in town after hiding it for months, getting paid cash, not paying child support and then lying to Morris County Child Support when they called the owner for garnishment. This video got me a trial (which is tomorrow) that I've been begging for, for countless years. 11K owed. More to come on that later. And what happened today will be an added chapter in my book. You really can't imagine the evil that I have no choice but to face head on. #truthwins

Me and my son are homeless. Our only car is now out for repossession again. All of our belongings are in a storage unit and that bill was due two days ago. Our cell phones are getting shut off tomorrow if that bill is not paid by tomorrow, after I received an extension. Thanks to the few people who have shared this link. All I'm asking is that you share our story. We are in a pending process with the state and i desperately need my back fixed. My doctor, who has treated me for 20 years has signed off on that. Obviously I realize that most of my friends aren't really friends at all. We have nothing. And our huge family does not care. I am begging you all to share this link. I now understand how people go mentally insane. The world is extremely cruel. What a terrible lesson I have learned.

Me and my son are homeless. We have been homeless since June 22nd. We have been staying with a friend temporarily and are able to stay until August 1st. Again, we are SO THANKFUL TO HIM AND HIS FAMILY. I started the application process for any help that we can get through the state. This is going to take a little while. It's alot. It's very overwhelming. There's alot to it and it is not easy. The 'pending' process is going to take atleast a month or more until we see any real help. I still cannot get the medical help that I need until then. This whole situation has been devastating. I've been trying to sell anything that I can think of, which has brought in a little bit of money. And my son has been paying for all of our daily and weekly needs- food, products, gas, etc. This kid is seriously an angel. We are WAY BEHIND on the bills that we still have, most importantly our car payment. It is about to go into repossession again. The medical bills still haven't been paid (my epidural- that didn't take, my ER visit, my son's ER visit from a sprained ankle). All of our belongings are in a storage unit and that bill is due on July 20th (in 2 days) and I don't have the money. We also still have our cell phone bill and car insurance bill. This is why I set our goal so high but we never even got close. We are in desperate need of help still. I haven't been posting because honestly, I really don't feel like many people care what happens to us. Can you imagine being a parent and having LITERALLY a few dollars to your name? No savings, no assets, no stocks or bonds, no family that will help, owed 11K in back child support... Do you know what it is like to have to put on a happy face everyday and act like your whole world is not falling apart? Do you know how hard it is to not look like I am in the physical pain that I am in when I'm out running errands and doing things that have to be done? Please do not think for a second that I am ok with this situation or want to be in this situation. IT IS AWFUL. I am seriously depressed and full of anxiety all day, every day. Not to mention, the embarrassment. My son is almost 18 and still doesn't have a car. Let me just say that between MY HUGE FAMILY (NONE OF WHOM ARE POOR) AND BTW- MY BROTHER & HIS WIFE HAVE NO KIDS AND DO WELL AND POST ABOUT MY SON AND HOW MUCH THEY LOVE HIM ALL THE TIME!! DO NOT BUY INTO IT!!! IT'S A FACADE. AND MY EX HUSBAND AND HIS WELL OFF FAMILY.... NO ONE COULD COME THROUGH & GET THIS GREAT KID A VEHICLE IN 10 MONTHS?????? OR... NO ONE COULD CHIP IN $100 OR SO?? MY FAMILY IS HUGE!!!! WHEN I TURNED 17, MY PARENTS WERE IN THE MIDST OF A HIDEOUS DIVORCE THAT DRAINED THEM FINANCIALLY. THEY HAD ZERO FOR A CAR FOR ME. AND SO, MY AUNT RITA & UNCLE RICHIE  STEPPED IN AND GAVE ME THEIR OLD SUBARU!! I'M STILL THANKFUL!!! I LOVED IT!!! AND THAT'S WHAT FAMILY SHOULD DO!!!!! ******* ALSO, UPDATE ON THE TRO THAT MY EX HUSBAND PUT ON ME THE DAY AFTER ME & MY SON CAUGHT HIM RED HANDED- ON VIDEO- WORKING AT PRICELESS PETS IN OUR TOWN AFTER HIDING IT FOR MONTHS, GETTING PAID CASH, NOT PAYING TAXES OR CHILD SUPPORT, DENYING IT AFTER WE FOUND OUT- ALONG WITH THE OWNER, THE OWNER LYING TO CHILD SUPPORT & DENYING THAT HE WORKS THERE- UNTIL WE GOT THIS VIDEO!! (PLEASE SEE LAST FEW UPDATES IF YOU'RE CONFUSED). So, we both appeared in court for the 2nd time. He had it adjourned the first time so that he could retain an attorney. WELL, HE NEVER GOT AN ATTORNEY!!! AND.... HE HAD IT ADJOURNED AGAIN!!!! HE HAD IT ADJOURNED SO THAT HE COULD AMEND THE TRO. I WAS FORCED TO WAIT IN COURT WHILE HE DID THIS. WELL, ITS FULL OF MORE PROVABLE LIES AND RIDICULOUSNESS!!! WASTING MY TIME ON PURPOSE!!! ********AND, HERE'S THE KICKER!!! IN THE AMENDED TRO HE STATES THAT I CONTINUE TO UPDATE THE PUBLIC "ENDING UP ON THE LOSS OF MY EMPLOYMENT"!!!! Ok, first of all, I don't even believe that he lost his job because I don't trust them at all after what he and the owner did in all of those months!!! She could be paying him cash and saying that she fired him. (She finally admitted to Morris County Child Support that yes, he does infact work there and a few weeks ago, we actually received one measly, lonesome child support payment from his one paycheck on the books. And if he did actually get fired, let me say this. I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU LOST THE JOB THAT YOU HAD FOR MANY, MANY MONTHS WHILE HIDING IT, GETTING PAID CASH, NOT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT, THEN DENIED AND LIED ABOUT AND THEN WHEN YOU WERE CAUGHT ON VIDEO YOU PUT A TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER ON ME FOR TAKING THE VIDEO WITH OUR CHILD WHILE WE WERE IN THE STREET & NOT EVEN IN THE BUSINESS PARKING LOT!!!!! HOW ABOUT THIS? YOU WOULDN'T BE OUT OF A JOB IF YOU AND THE OWNER JUST DID THE RIGHT THING IN THE FIRST PLACE, MANY MANY MONTHS AGO, AND WORKED ON THE BOOKS AND WILLINGLY PAID THE CHILD SUPPORT THAT IS A COURT ORDER!!!!!! OUR NEXT APPEARANCE FOR THE TRO IS 7/24. GOD HELP ME. ******** NOW, THE VERY NEXT DAY, JULY 25TH, IS THE CHILD SUPPORT TRIAL. THIS NEW AMENDED TRO HAS ALSO ALREADY BEEN ADDED TO THE NOW GROWING EVIDENCE THAT WE HAVE THAT HE WAS HIDING AND THEN LYING ABOUT WORKING. MY CASE WORKER IS REQUESTING A LUMP SUM PAYMENT FOR THE WHOLE AMOUNT WHICH IS CURRENTLY 11K. ******** PLEASE PRAY THAT THE JUDGE AGREES THAT HE PAY THE TOTAL OWED ASAP!!!!!!!! FIFTEEN YEARS IN THE SYSTEM, SEVENTEEN YEARS OF MORE GRIEF  THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE WITH MY EX HUSBAND AND HIS FAMILY (WHO WERE AWARE THAT HE WAS WORKING AND NOT PAYING FOR SO MANY MONTHS). PLEASE SHARE THIS LINK. ME AND MY SON ARE REALLY STRUGGLING. 

As of last Saturday, we are officially homeless. Thank you to a friend in town. He is letting us stay with him temporarily until August 1st. I can't thank him enough. So very kind. And, thank you Jesus. Our move out of our apartment last Saturday was very rough. The worst move I've ever been through. And you all know that moving is always stressful and usually horrible. And this was our fourth move in 2 years. I think it was so bad for us because I'm so limited in what I can physically do now. Alot of people were saying to me, "You won't have to do anything. People will help you". Yes, a TON of people helped. And THANK YOU to each and every one of them!! We had to make some last minute calls for help to many people. The thing is, I knew that I would have to physically do more than I really could and should do. And that's exactly what happened. Things needed to be separated into what we need with us for the month & what will go into storage. I had to pack up my own personal things myself ofcourse, and I cleaned the apartment thoroughly before we left. I wouldn't ever make anyone do that for me. Luckily, I was able to get a storage unit and a moving truck. But it took many trips and 2 extensions with the truck. I had 3 straight days of about 2- 3 hours of sleep and that is NO JOKE. My son had 2 bad nights like that. It wasn't easy for him, either. I was so physically and mentally exhausted by the 3rd day and in so much pain. It was also so stressful because we HAD TO BE OUT BY SATURDAY NIGHT. We had a signed agreement with our landlord. Anyway, I'm trying to get my ducks in a row and praying for a miracle that we can get a place in town by August 1st. My son has one more year left of high school as I've said before and he just loves our town and his friends, etc. I also have some updates regarding the child support and the TRO that my ex husband put on me for filming the video of him at his job. (See previous updates if you're lost on that one). As I stated in my last update/s, the video that me & my son were able to get of him, was enough evidence to FINALLY get the ball rolling (after almost 15 years in the NJ Child Support system) towards a child support trial. I've been working very closely with my child support case worker who put in a request the day after the video was taken (the same day my ex got the temporary restraining order) for a trial & she is requesting a lump sum payment (since he's been working & lying about it since atleast before March) of the total amount owed which is now 11K and she is requesting that he receive a bench warrant for his arrest every time he misses ONE child support payment. FINALLY!!!!! So, a few days ago, WE FINALLY GOT A TRIAL DATE FOR JULY 25TH!!!! My case worker couldn't get any sooner than that. She tried. She's using the video as evidence, the pic of him dated March 5th from the company's own Facebook page and the TRO that he put on me. He states that the reason for the TRO is because I "SHOWED UP AT THE PLAINTIFF'S PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT" and that the "PLAINTIFF FEARS THAT HE WILL LOSE HIS LIVELIHOOD"..... Ummm... YOU REALLY CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP. Please pray that the judge approves the lump sum request!!! We need it so badly!!!! We also both appeared in court on June 19th for the TRO. MY EX GOT IT ADJOURNED FOR JULY 10TH SO HE CAN RETAIN A LAWYER. What a WASTE OF MY TIME!!!!! And, how can HE AFFORD AN ATTORNEY??? HE HASN'T PAID ANY CHILD SUPPORT IN THREE & A HALF MONTHS AND IT WAS ALREADY A HIDEOUS AMOUNT OWED AT THAT TIME AND NOW HE OWES $11,000!!!! THIS IS NOTHING NEW WITH THIS MAN. Well, the paperwork for the adjournment is now also being used as evidence for the child support trial. Please continue to pray for me and Frankie. We really need it. Please keep sharing the link. ANYTHING WILL HELP. God bless. 

EDIT TO THIS UPDATE AT BOTTOM!

Ok. First, I want to start by saying that my son was baptized this past Sunday. Praise Jesus!!! 🙌 He's been a Believer for a long time. I always talked to him about the Lord and prayed with him. He's been wanting to get baptized for atleast a year now. He started going to a local church last year and started to attend youth group and really loves it. He started to bring all of his friends!! So many kids!! I'm so proud of him and so happy and it was such a beautiful thing to witness. One of my best days and moments in my life. It brought me to tears. ❤️ I also want to say that the past two days have brought many blessings. We received some donations as you can see on here and also some personal ones. And we have been lifted up in more prayers and given much needed encouragement. We are obviously still in the thick of it, though. I want to share what happened this past week which was so horrible. It has added so much stress, anxiety and precious time of mine wasted. With more wasted hours ahead of me. As per a previous update of mine, it is regarding my ex husband who now owes $10,634.00 (it goes up every week that he doesn't pay) in back child support. We found out a few weeks ago that he has been working in our town since atleast before March. I have photo evidence from the company's own Facebook page. (They have since taken the pic down. I have it screenshot with the timestamp of their March 5th post). I sent it to my NJ Child Support caseworker last week. She called there and the owner told her that he does not work there and she doesn't know him. Lies. My caseworker then tells me that there's nothing more they can do!!! They don't do real investigative work. WELL, I DO!!!! I called there myself and asked for him. I said that I was his girlfriend when they asked who was calling. The woman says, Hold on. She comes back and says, Umm, no he doesnt work here. I don't know who he is. Well then, why did you ask who's calling and put me on hold? They have a staff of about 3 people. Then, me and my son went down there. They locked both entrances and wouldn't let us in. I wonder why? So, I posted about it on social media and had tons of people send me pics of him outside with his Corvette and messages that they're now hiding him in the back room to work. Unreal. So Monday night, around 9pm, me and my son had to drop off lacrosse stuff at a house right by that establishment. I said, we're right here. Let's swing by and see if we see anything. Well, by the Grace of God, he was taking things in and out from the business to his car and had the keys to the business in his hands and the business door open. (He's been spotted working crazy overtime, to boot. Morning to after dark). I pull up but I STAYED IN THE STREET. I DID NOT TURN INTO THE PARKING LOT. My son starts video-ing him. He winds up ADMITTING ON CAMERA THAT YES, HE INFACT DOES WORK THERE! He's his awful self in the video and even lies and says that he just sent the paperwork in to child support. (He did not). I'm only able to post photos here, not videos.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/xa9dsUzsWN8K5TiA/?mibextid=oFDknk

This is the link to the video on my Facebook page. Meanwhile, before this video, the owner had been calling me a liar and crazy on social media. So, I sent this video via email to my child support case worker that night. The next morning she replied to me and said that we did it!!! Finally!! After roughly 15 years in the system, this video is now getting the ball rolling!!! Her email reads as follows:

'This case has been approved to be submitted for ELR ( enforcement of litigant rights), we will be submitting the video and picture you have provided to us as evidence that the defendant is in New Jersey, working and able to pay. We will also be requesting for a missed payment stipulation (to be able to issue a warrant for failure to pay) and a lump sump payment. In the meantime, we have submitted another wage garnishment to Priceless Pets and have called them advising that we have confirmation that the defendant is in fact working for their facility and we are requesting for a garnishment to be initiated ASAP.'

BUT.... That evening, two cops show up at my door. MY EX HUSBAND SERVED ME WITH A TRO. A TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER. BECAUSE OF THE VIDEO. I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THERE AT ALL IF THE STATE OF NJ WOULD DO THEIR JOB!!! This man and his family have done this to me before. He obviously lied to the judge that approved it! He is a convicted felon. He's been in and out of prison and in atleast 20 drug rehab facilities. (I have no criminal record. Even my driving record is squeaky clean). I am 5 feet tall and weigh 113 lbs. And I can barely walk from the pain. Now, I have to go to court next week and prepare this week and I'm more angry and stressed out than I was. I could go on and on here. I'm gonna try to keep it brief. He also added in the TRO that I not go near his other son (whom he doesn't even have custody of) that I've only met about three times in his 8 years of life!! (I think he's 8). Just for added effect! And some more added effect: I am not to go near his sister's house who lives in our town. I haven't been there in atleast a year and that was for a drop off or pick up of my son! I don't go there!! It's all crazy and evil!!! You can't make this up!

THIS IS WHAT ABUSE LOOKS LIKE. 

THIS HAS BEEN THE STORY OF MY LIFE. 

I really cannot take any more of this. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND MY BOY. AND PLEASE KEEP SHARING THIS LINK!! WE NEED HELP DESPERATELY!!! God bless all of you who have donated, shared the link, prayed for us and reached out!!! We are DEEPLY touched by each and every act!!! We pray for all who have helped us. We have eight days left. I have so much on my plate it is hard to breathe. Not alot of people understand the gravity of it all. My physical pain, my depression, no money, dealing with evil people, the list goes on. Jesus, give me strength!!!

EDIT/UPDATE: So, I didn't even bother to read the TRO until today because I knew that it would take me to another dimension. It did. BUT, as much as this will be a HUGE unnecessary inconvenience, it was also kind of a gift. I swear, you really can't make this up. The TRO reads in part, 'Defendant has showed up at the Plaintiff's place of employment.... Plaintiff fears that he will lose his livelihood if the harassment does not stop'.  Ummmm.... I was there to get evidence that you do infact work there and have been working there since before March!!! He obviously didn't tell the judge that approved this that he's paid zero support since March, that I have photo evidence from their Facebook pg dated March 5th, that the owner lied to NJ Child Support when they called for a garnishment, that he's been getting paid cash, that I have pictures of him and his Corvette parked there during business hours & beyond (sent by friends & strangers!) that the owner had bashed me on social media calling me a liar & crazy, that he owes over 10.6K in back child support, that I stayed in the street the 2nd & last time we went there, that we were able to capture an admission by him on video while he was locking up the shop at 9pm on Monday night & that we did not even enter the parking lot or premises- we stayed in our car in the street. And that if NJ Child Support would do their job, I wouldn't have gone there at all. So, he just gave me more evidence to give to the Child Support judge at our trial. THIS TRO. We wouldn't want him to lose his livelihood now, right?! Hahaa!! He called me a "dumb*@!" twice in the video. Who's the dumb*@! ? 🤔

Every dollar is gone. I just need enough money for a storage unit for a while. And food. We will be going to a shelter on the 22nd. I give up. More bad things have happened that I don't even have the strength to write about. It is too much for one person. I WILL however, write about it as soon as I have the time. If anything happens to me, a stroke, a heart attack, a mental breakdown, this has been well documented here. 

Does anyone go to 'Priceless Pets' in Pompton Plains? My son spotted his grandpa's red corvette in the back parking lot last week, which his dad has been driving (NY plates/personalized plates). He's since gone back & it's there all the time during business hours. His father is a chef by trade but as a recovering addict, it wasn't a good environment for him. I get it. So, he's been working as a dog groomer for YEARS. I found a picture of him on the Priceless Pets Facebook page, dated MARCH 5TH. They took the picture down today. But, I have it screenshot with the date on it. I called child support last week. He hasn't paid ANYTHING since March 18th & that payment came out of an unemployment check. He owes $10,350.00 currently through the state of NJ. Child Support called Priceless Pets yesterday. They told Child Support that he does not work there & they don't know who he is. Child Support told me that there's nothing else they can do. Ridiculous. His name is Frank & he has almost a full sleeve tattoo, which you can see in the pic. I called there afterwards & asked for Frank. The woman said, Who is this? I said, His girlfriend. She said, Hold on. She then came back & said, No, he doesn't work here & I don't know him. Well, then why did you ask who I was & put me on hold? They have like, 3 people on staff. So, me & my son went down there. The corvette was parked in back. They locked both doors & wouldn't let us in. Priceless Pets lied to Child Support. My ex husband hasn't paid ANYTHING in over 2 months & was paying way below the ordered amount, which is a violation of a court order. He also broke the law by receiving unemployment checks while working. And now, this company is covering for him & saying that he doesn't work there & they don't know him. If anyone has seen him working there, PLEASE let me know.  I have really had enough of this. This has been the ongoing theme with the state since I enrolled in their system about 15 years ago. No enforcement. My son is almost 18. It's a sin. I would really like to sue the state for non-enforcement. They have never arrested him or revoked his license. I have asked a million times. Please keep praying for us!! And please keep sharing this link!! Thank you so much for everything. God bless you!!

I AM BEGGING FOR HELP. DEAR JESUS, WE NEED A MIRACLE. I CANNOT DO THIS. MY TOWN PAGES WILL NOT POST THIS WITH THE OTHER GOFUNDME'S FROM TOWN. WE HAVE THREE WEEKS AND ZERO FUNDS. I'M CRYING IN PAIN ALL DAY. MY BODY GETS 'STUCK', WHERE I CAN'T WALK OR SIT, AND ITS EXTRUCIATING. NEVER IN MY LIFE WOULD I HAVE IMAGINED ALL OF THIS HAPPENING!!! PLEASE SHARE THE LINK!

I ALSO FOUND OUT THAT MY SON'S FATHER HAS BEEN WORKING IN OUR TOWN. FOR CASH. SINCE BEFORE MARCH. HE OWES US $10,350. NO PAYMENT REC'D SINCE MARCH 18TH. FROM AN UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK. ALL THIS TIME, HE HAS BEEN MOCKING ME TO OUR SON. MY SON SEES HIM DRIVING HIS POP'S RED CORVETTE ALL AROUND TOWN NOW. (THAT'S THEIR 'TOY' CAR). MY EX INLAWS & EX SISTER IN LAW IN TOWN, HAVE KNOWN THAT HE'S WORKING & NOT PAYING SUPPORT, ALL OF THESE MONTHS. THEY'RE FOLLOWING MY GIVESENDGO, WHICH STATES THE NONPAYMENTS, WHILE KNOWING THAT HE'S WORKING IN TOWN. 

AND THE AUDACITY OF THIS GUY. KNOWING THAT HE CAN BE SEEN BY ME OR MY SON OR ALL OF THE PEOPLE HE GREW UP WITH IN THIS TOWN! ALL WHILE OWING OVER 10K AND NOT PAYING! 

THIS IS WHAT I'M DEALING WITH!! MY SON'S POP HAS EVEN MOCKED ME TO MY SON!

I want to start by thanking an anonymous ANGEL that donated through a mutual friend 2 wks ago. It was sent via Venmo. When I got the notification, I broke down in tears. It was a substantial amount & an answered prayer! I had my friend thank them, but I am thanking them again here!!! God bless you & your family! Most of it has gone to past due bills. We have to be out of our apartment by June 22nd, in 3 wks. This is non- negotiable. I have a signed agreement with my landlord. I am working on things daily but I am extremely overwhelmed & stressed out. Still no plan in place. We have barely any funds left. My physical pain is still unbearable. I ask that you PLEASE KEEP SHARING THIS LINK! Please keep praying for us! Still no health insurance. I've been experiencing other health issues as well, probably due to stress. My anxiety is so bad that I feel like I am going to have a heart attack every day. I pray all day about it. The medical bills have piled up between the epidural (that didn't work), taking my son to the ER for his sprained ankle last month & also I was in the ER the day after Christmas because I thought that I had a heart attack on Christmas day. My son witnessed the whole thing. I chalked it up to a major panic attack but the next day I googled the symptoms & they were all symptoms of a heart attack. I received an EKG in the ER which came back normal but as I was waiting for bloodwork for hours, my anxiety was so bad & I was alone, that I wound up leaving the hospital & never got the bloodwork done. ZERO CHILD SUPPORT SINCE MARCH 18TH. Before that, the amount he was paying was WAY below his obligation. The current amount owed is $10,350.00. I keep calling child support (it's through the state). Nothing is being done. Still no help from my family or my ex husband's family. My son still does not have a car. Since my son was born, I have sold every single thing that I have of value. My wedding ring & wedding band (I was married to my son's father) I sold when my son was a toddler (due to no child support). Through the years I've sold ALL of my jewelry worth anything, designer purses & shoes that I had since before my son was born & to make ends meet, even as I worked full time, I sold clothes of ours, household items, toys, etc. I've used Ebay, Facebook Marketplace & sold to jewelry stores and second hand shops. My son still remembers HUNDREDS OF TIMES, picking him up from B & G Club after I got out of work & bringing things to a local second hand store to sell, literally in order to eat. We would be exhausted & starving at dinner time doing this, but I had no choice. I don't want anyone to think that I haven't exhausted EVERY option. Last summer I started looking into selling my engagement ring from my ex fiancé. (I was heartbroken about that). My ex never asked for it back (which I thought was strange). I found the paperwork on it. Now, I was with him when he purchased it & I actually picked it out at Jared's. It was beautiful. The center stone was a little over 2 carats, near flawless. The band was full of small diamonds. I never read through the paperwork after it was purchased. Why would I? To my shock, it turns out that it was a lab created diamond. As I researched, these diamonds are 100% real diamonds. Not even a jeweler can spot the difference with the naked eye. BUT, the resale value is almost NOTHING. Basically because they are created so much faster in a lab compared to the thousands of years it takes for a natural diamond to be formed. That in itself, adds to its value. Also, because lab created diamonds are fairly new, which affects the resale value as well. If I had known that it was a lab created diamond at the store, I would've said, No way! OR AT THE VERY LEAST RESEARCHED IT FIRST & THEN COME TO THE SAME CONCLUSION! I would've GLADLY taken a smaller stone that was natural! Looking back, my ex was adamant about going to Jared's. I had suggested trying a few different places. I am assuming that he spoke to someone there before we arrived. (Also, my ex kept putting off getting it insured, when I kept asking him). So, I started the process of going to jewelers, calling jewelers, etc. NO ONE EVEN OFFERED ME A DOLLAR. FOR MONTHS. IT WAS BASICALLY WORTHLESS. (It occurred to me right away that this was symbolic of our six year relationship.) I finally wound up selling it to a jeweler friend who I believe felt badly for me. I got less than a month's rent for it. (I WAS grateful for him & for that money, though). I also want to address a completely different topic. This keeps coming up with distant family & friends. Not many people other than immediate family & bestie's know the countless reasons why I don't speak to my mother & brother. I can't possibly get into all of it. But I will explain a little. (I think that I already covered the reasons why I don't speak to my father). As I've previously explained, I kept forgiving & moving on, without apologies, over & over for many decades, only to have the abuse & mistreatment continue. This past year was my last straw. In the darkest time EVER in my life, my family was not only not there for me, but they treated me horribly. They put me down, berated me & wouldn't even let me vent or talk about what I was going through AS I WAS GOING THROUGH IT. My mother has cancer. She was diagnosed in 2021 & was hospitalized for close to a year. I think alot of people feel that I'm heartless for walking away from my relationship with her last August. Let me say (many people will remember this) I was 100% there for her through the worst of it- atleast up until we last spoke. I was visiting her constantly with my son, praying for her every day (which I still do), posting about it all the time- asking for prayers, etc. Me & my mom have always had a rocky relationship. This is no secret. She has physically assaulted me 3 separate times in my adult life. The first time, I was 17. The summer after I had graduated High School. I was getting ready to be picked up by my then boyfriend (still one of my besties) & a bunch of friends to go to a club in the city. As I opened our front door, in plain sight of the caravan full of all of them (they saw the whole thing), my mother attacked me & started hitting me over & over because she didn't want me to go. (This was rich. She was separated from my dad & partying & going on dates almost every night for that year & leaving me home with my 2 young siblings, to have no social life of my own- at 17- with barely any food in the house. This was also known in the family & with my bf & friends.) I broke free & went. My friends were in shock as to what they had witnessed. The 2nd time, I was in my early 20's & living with my Me-ma (my mom's mother). I was VERY close to my Me-ma & lived with her for a few years. She knew EXACTLY what my mother was all about & THAT is also no secret. My mom was staying with us for a few months while she was going through a divorce from her 2nd husband. We had an argument in the kitchen, in front of my Me-ma & my mom started hitting me like crazy. Me-ma had to pull her off of me. This was also no secret. The 3rd time was in 2012 & involves my brother. My brother is an alcoholic. He gets extremely violent when he drinks too much. In 2012 my mother had just broken up with her fiancé of 10 years. I was receiving no child support & was on unemployment & looking for a substantial job at the time. Me & my son had been renting a small one bedroom apartment in town, where we lived for over 4 years. In 2012, my son was 6 yrs old. I was falling WAY behind on bills. My mom offered to rent a house in town & have me & my son move in with her. I DID NOT want to go. I like my freedom.  BUT, I was grateful & really had no choice. She found a house & we planned the move.  About a WEEK before the move in date, she advised me that my brother is also moving in & will be rooming in the basement. At that time, my brother was 30 & had his own apartment in the same complex as mine. He also had a longterm girlfriend (who is now his wife). Why would he want to move in with us? I was NOT happy because I know how he gets when he drinks. He had already sucker punched my uncle a few years prior, for no reason at all, while drinking. Well, I still had no choice but to move in. Two months later, it was about 9pm & I went to the kitchen to make dinner. Thank God, my son was not home that night. He was with his dad's parents. I grab a plate in the cabinet & my brother comes flying up from the basement, grabs me, puts me in a bear hug over the counter, swearing & saying that I'm making noise on purpose. He was drunk. My mom runs in & pulls him off of me. He drives off drunk. My mom blames me & tackles me on my bed, roughing me up while on top of me. This story gets even darker. I'll save it for my book. Sidenote: My sister hasn't spoken to my brother since 2018 when he got drunk on Christmas & physically attacked her now husband because they had just announced their engagement after only dating a short time. And when my son was in middle school, my brother & sister in law watched him overnight & my son told me the next day, IN TEARS, that my brother got drunk & slapped him across the face & thought it was funny. THIS ALL DOESN'T EVEN SCRATCH THE SURFACE. Lastly, my mother has done severe psychological damage to me by telling the family (for years) that I'm crazy. And they, in turn, regurgitate the narrative. I cannot fathom ever treating my boy, a blessing from God, like this.

Update! First off, we received a very nice amount from a local Christian church this week. Thank you, Jesus!! We also received a few personal donations this week. Thank you again to EVERYONE who has prayed for us, donated, shared this link & reached out to us. Me and my landlord came to an agreement today.  I asked my lawyer to please try to negotiate to see if he would take about half of the amount owed and allow us to stay here until atleast a few days after school ends for my son in June. This was extremely important to me. I really want to allow him to finish this year, his junior year, in peace and not in chaos. This year, since April 1st, 2023 has been so hard. (Other reasons were my pain and nowhere to go...) By the Grace of God, my landlord agreed. We can stay here until June 22nd. I gave him all of the money that I had left plus the money from the church is going directly to him shortly, and we were able to add the month and a half security deposit that we paid last year. (We will still owe the rest). We are EXTREMELY grateful for my lawyer, my very old friend, Chris Benevento, who worked for free for me and my son. God bless him!! I highly recommend him! He is a great guy and a great lawyer!! Me and Frankie will still have a rough road ahead. Obviously, we will need to find a new home, in town, which will not be easy in light of this whole situation. I am keeping this GiveSendGo going for as long as needed. I will also continue to reach out to other organizations that might help us. I have alot on my plate and I ask for continued prayers. I want to also add that GiveSendGo had their staff reach out to me personally twice and they prayed with me over the phone. Both prayers were so powerful and beautiful that it brought me to tears. This is a really great company. I am thankful for that, as well. Please keep sharing this link. God bless all of you! ❤️

Court for the eviction is this coming Thursday.

Me & my son will not have a home by the end of this week. Thank you to all who cared enough to pray for us, reach out, share our link and donate. You've done more than my own family (some of my cousins did help! ❤️) and more than my son's father and his family. 🩷Just this week, my son's dad & grandfather on that side, texted him. Instead of offering any kind of help, they both reached out to him to bash me. Let me remind you that his dad owes 10K in back child support. My son is 17 now & will speak his mind. He told them both that he will not tolerate them bashing me to him anymore. He put his dad in his place once again for being a terrible father, not being there for him his whole life & not paying the child support. His dad then replied with pages of texts berating him, telling him to eff himself & sending him a pic of his dead dog's dirty behind  . You read that right.  Let me just say, that if I had a DEADBEAT SON who didn't pay support, and I Iived as comfortably as they do, I WOULD'VE BEEN PAYING THE SUPPORT ON MY SON'S BEHALF, ALL OF THESE YEARS. Is that a shocking statement? I don't think so!! And so many people have said the same thing to me!! And they've never gone above & beyond for my boy. Same goes for his Aunt (and Godmother) who lives in this town. Her two boys are very close to my son. One of them is my son's age. He got a beautiful Jeep when he turned 17. Now, his parents do very well! Listen, God bless! But there's NO WAY that if I were those grandparents, that I wouldn't help Frankie to feel atleast equal all of these 17 years. If I could at all help him, I would. And that includes buying him a car when he turned 17. Yes, you read that right. I WOULD MAKE UP FOR MY SON'S LACK OF SUPPORT BECAUSE MY SON IS THEIR BLOOD. They can absolutely afford to do all of these things. They should be ashamed of themselves. They have helped their pitiful son over & over these past 17 years and ignored this child's needs. When I've said these things to them, they act SHOCKED, AS IF I JUST ASKED THEM FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.

I also want to say that it really amazes me how many people have turned a cheek here. To think of the COUNTLESS charity links I have shared in all of these years on social media, the inboxes I have sent to offer comfort or help or prayers for friends & family in crisis... I would NEVER read a story like this and turn a blind eye. NO. WAY. I also want to thank my son's lacrosse 'family' for... NOTHING! Lol! Not a peep! 🤣🤣 One dad reached out & donated. Bless his heart! These parents have known my kid for years! The whole town has seen this link. I actually did the math today. I am 49 years old and 24 of those years, I have lived here. 11 years of my childhood, one year from '96- 97, four years when my son was a toddler and 8 years back since before my son started 4th grade. So, my son has spent 12 years of his 17 years here in this town. I wanted to point out that in all of those years, I have spent alot of money frequenting local stores, local mom & pop shops, local restaurants, I've done fundraisers for school & sports, paid for daycare/ preschool here, paid for Boys & Girls Club aftercare when we were living in the town next door, attended countless towns events like the Carnival, the Hoedown, etc. We have been members of the town lake... my son has always had a RIDICULOUS amount of town gear and school gear, I've paid for school sports, B & G Club sports and Parks & Rec Sports- which ofcourse includes equipment, uniforms, sign up fees, fundraisers, etc. Way to pay it forward my beloved Township! Bravo! 👏👏👏 🤣🤣🤣 Thanks for nothing! I don't care who doesn't like me anymore. And please, if you read my WHOLE story (which doesn't include everything!) and you don't think you'd be angry like me at this point, please let me know!

I Timothy 5:8

Proverbs 13:22

Deuteronomy 15:7-11

Proverbs 28:27

Some updates to share. Its been quite awhile. I also want to say a few things. So, the epidurals (both sides of my back) that I received on April 5th, did not work. I was so hopeful. The first few days I felt some improvement, but not regarding my sciatica. But then all of the familiar pain quickly came back, to the point where, a few days ago, I could barely walk again. I called my doctor and had a zoom visit 2 days ago. He wants me to get an MRI. My last one was in 2022, when this injury happened. Then we will see what the next steps will be. I might be able to get another epidural after we see what the MRI shows. I also still need surgery to remove the pieces of floating discs in my back, that have probably shifted and is likely causing some of this pain. (I never got the surgery because of the year that we had and then I lost our health insurance a few mos ago). I went on steroids (Prednisone) a few days ago, which has helped, but I'm still in alot of pain. Our court date for the eviction is in two weeks and we need serious help. I am continuing to ask that you please share this link!! To everyone that has already shared, some countless times, I'm not asking you to keep sharing the link. But to the probably 90- 95% of my friends that haven't shared it... Our story might not touch your heart. But it might touch the heart of someone that you know. This physical pain is keeping me from working and I've also been missing my son's lacrosse season. I went to one game, last Thursday, and had to leave at halftime because the pain was so bad. My son has played sports (every sport!) since he was a little kid, and I have never missed games like this! Its very upsetting.... Still no help from my family or my son's dad or his family. ZERO CHILD SUPPORT FOR THE PAST FOUR WEEKS. The back support owed is almost at 10K now. (He also blocked my son again for calling him out on being a bad parent). My son still doesn't have a car.... I also want to say something about childhood abuse. If you have not suffered from childhood abuse, in my case- ongoing- through my whole childhood into my teens- and witnessing marital domestic violence & marital cheating, you can't imagine how this affects a person. It is so multi layered. And please know that I only started sharing my story publicly, a few mos ago. EVERYONE CLOSE TO ME HAS ALWAYS KNOWN THIS. This was no epiphany. BUT, FOR THE MOST PART, I KEPT THESE SECRETS FOR 48 YEARS. And do you know why I finally shared it? Because the abuse, mistreatment, badmouthing about me, etc... continued. During the darkest time of my life this year, it all CONTINUED. How long does someone remain a punching bag? When is it finally enough? I've ruffled MANY FEATHERS in my family. Oh, I'm sorry for not taking it anymore AND for not keeping your dirty secrets anymore! And if you think that it isn't painful for me to walk away, you're wrong. It is. And every single person that I walked away from, who has treated me horribly for the PETTIEST of reasons, has a TON of skeletons in their closet. Alcoholics, drug addicts, pill poppers, child abusers, adopting children only to give them up!!! The list goes on! You know what? All I've been trying to do since my son was born, is to provide for him, take care of him and raise him to be a good person, a good Christian and a good man. And guess what? At 17, I COULDNT BE ANY PROUDER OF HIM. He is a phenomenal human being. And he is happy, healthy, kindhearted, smart, funny, Jesus loving, athletic... the list goes on. AND STILL.... MY FAMILY AND HIS FATHER'S FAMILY DEGRADE ME. Another sidenote... I have two younger siblings. Do you know that none of us speak to the other? We have no relationship with any sibling. Now, if you don't think that has anything to do with our parents, think again. Its all beyond twisted. Parents who talk badly about their children to the other children (adult children) or even more specifically, talk about one of their children the most.... (this is narcissistic parenting/ parents at its finest, I've learned), also to not call out EXTREMELY BAD BEHAVIOR to one of them and on top of it, have witnessed it and have lied and covered it up- to the detriment of- guess who?? You just can't make this stuff up and I can't wait to one day finish my book about my life story because you really cannot believe what I have been through.... I also want to share a little bit more about what I experienced this past year with my ex fiancé. First, a few mos before he did what he did, I started to research narcissism. Do you know what made me start researching? He slipped one day and happened to mention that his ex wife calls him a narcissist. I honestly didnt know much about what that really meant. I just thought it meant someone who was full of themself, grandiose, etc. But his behavior was getting so awful towards me, that I started to study it. I WAS BLOWN AWAY. HE IS TEXTBOOK. I had no idea that many behaviors are shared across the board by all narcissists. Even the way that he ended it, using law enforcement based on lies, is common!!! He also never told law enforcement that I was his fiancé. He also never told his lawyer that. My lawyer informed me, after her first conversation with his lawyer, that he told his lawyer that we were really not that serious (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and that I was really just a HOUSEGUEST. My ex did everything in his power, for those following months of the court battle, to add to my shock, heartbreak, anger, confusion and mental state of mind. It is highly documented that I believe that he was trying to get me to either commit suicide, have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown. As I've stated before, the details are HIDEOUS. And his lawyer was just as awful and abusive. You can't imagine. Anything they could do to further degrade me and embarrass me and hurt me, they did. And the whole situation affected my son greatly.  So, to the people who think that I should've gotten over this SIX YEAR RELATIONSHIP/ ENGAGEMENT/ COHABITATION ALREADY... not so easy. Not to mention that every minute of every day of the physical pain that I'm in has everything to do with him. Can you imagine how THAT makes me feel? Meanwhile, since the day he threw me and my son out, he's been dating, travelling and living his best life! Lol! The only thing that gives me comfort is that I know that Jesus see's all of this. ALL OF IT! My ex fiancé, my family, my ex-husband, his family!! I am a good person and I have the truth on my side. And thank you Jesus, I am still here. Still here for my boy!! I just need help while getting my back healed and to catch up on the rent! Listen, if that's my greatest downfall right now, compared to everyone that I have mentioned here, I'll take it. You can look down on me but trust me when I tell you that not many people could walk in my shoes. To the moms that are reading this, that are looking down on me, let me ask you this. (This doesn't apply to ALL, but probably most). Would you and your children have the lifestyle that you have right now, without a husband? Or even an ex husband? Or help from family? Truly think about that. Your home, your cars, your vacations, you and your children's wardrobe, belongings, etc. Your child's college fund, a car for your child... think about it. Now, what if you were not given the opportunity to go to college, on top of all of that? And what if you also were physically abused though your whole childhood? And witnessed marital domestic violence? Where do you think you and your child/ children would be right now? And add to that a serious injury- herniated discs in your back with pieces of floating discs that need to be removed and you could barely walk and had no health insurance?

All I'm asking is for you to share this link. Please.

Update! I am so happy to report that by the grace of God and nothing short of a miracle, I was able to get an epidural yesterday. I had called the doctor who administered it in 2022 again, three days ago. I explained my situation and how much pain I am in. They were able to squeeze me in the next day for an updated evaluation (which is unheard of and they really pulled strings to do that. At the start of the phone call, it was looking like a few weeks out.) I went in 2 days ago, crying... it had gotten so bad that I could barely walk, drive, climb stairs, you name it. I couldn't bend over AT ALL anymore. They obviously could see how much pain I was in. I was there for quite a while. They were all so kind to me. My doctor was completely booked for epidurals for the month and also had a vacation coming up. Again, it was looking as though I'd have to wait atleast a month for it. I honestly said, I don't know what to do because I don't think I can make it that long. I really could barely function anymore. Before I was about to leave, a nurse came in and said that they can squeeze me in the following day at the end of the day!!!! I started crying in joy!!! I thanked ALL OF THE STAFF!!! Lol! So, I got it done yesterday. I wound up getting 2 shots on BOTH SIDES of my lower back this time, instead of just the left side like they did in 2022, because the pain had changed and was throughout my hips , etc. My son came with me. Last night I was still in alot of pain. It can take up to 7 days to fully kick in. Today, I'm doing a little better. This has already raised my spirits, which I desperately needed, as well. I already suffered from depression and obviously this whole situation this past year has made the depression worse. And then being in constant excruciating pain, all day, has really gotten me more depressed. I also received good news yesterday about the bill. I was under the impression that I would have to pay the whole amount yesterday, but to my shock, I didn't have to pay anything. YET. Lol. They told me that I will get billed. But they also said that I can go on a payment plan, which is fantastic!!! I'm not sure of the total yet. I'm a little nervous because since they did BOTH SIDES, its going to be more than the 2- 3K that they quoted me. But, she said that I can call the billing dept on Monday and see if I can apply for Charity Care. She doesn't think that it will cover an epidural, but she said to definitely ask. I will keep everyone posted about that. So, we received a trial date yesterday for May 2nd. I still need THOUSANDS MORE by that date, in order to stay here. I will begin to look for a job ASAP now that my pain is subsiding. But obviously that won't bring in the thousands needed anytime soon. (The OVER 9K in back child support would surely help! But that's not happening!) I still have even more calls to make for help, but I'm asking that you PLEASE KEEP SHARING THIS LINK AND PRAYING FOR US!!! I know that I'm annoying and I'm sorry for that, but again, by the Grace of God it has been delayed and we have been given more time to get the funds needed. Thank you all so much for your support. God bless you!!! 

I have decided that I am going to schedule the epidural. I will have to use the funds from here. I am in excruciating pain all day. I have zero quality of life at this point. I have not a moment of joy in my days because the pain is constant. I'm at the point where I'm crying in pain everyday. I can barely function. I can't live like this. I need to get back to work & I can't do that until the pain is gone. I already used funds to get our car back. The donations have stopped. If we wind up homeless and displaced again, it is what it is. I have been transparent through this whole thing, saying from day one that I needed to get our car back and I needed an epidural. The epidural is between 2- 3K. Again, I AM BEYOND GRATEFUL TO EVERYONE THAT HAS HELPED US BY PRAYING, REACHING OUT, SHARING THE LINK AND DONATING. But, I am also BEYOND DISAPPOINTED in so many people and in my community. I was raised in this town until 5th grade and moved back here MANY YEARS AGO to raise my boy here because I have always loved this town. But honestly, as soon as my son graduates, I now can't wait to leave. The amount of parents who have known my son since the 4th grade here in town, or longer because he belonged to the Boys & Girls Club in town since kindergarten and played sports with them since that age, and he went to daycare and preschool here... the people that I also thought were my friends that are clearly NOT, the 'family members'- JOKE... I am disgusted. My son still never received a birthday gift from his dad.. the child support COMPLETELY STOPPED TWO WEEKS AGO. We were receiving a VERY SMALL AMOUNT WEEKLY FOR MONTHS, NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE AMOUNT THAT IT SHOULD BE (that's why the total was getting higher)... Ofcourse, I called the state again. What a joke. Still no help from my family or my ex-husbands family, including my son's godparents (which is nothing new)... My son got berated by his father on Easter via text, AGAIN, for simply calling out his bad behavior- but he is never disrespectful. This past summer, his dad even BLOCKED HIM FOR MONTHS. Yes, I AM ANGRY. I'm at the point where, whatever is in God's will for us, then so be it. In the meantime, I need to take care of my health. I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE. 

Hi, everyone. We heard from the judge today. She vacated the eviction order (which is what we requested, due to the fact that my landlord never registered the unit with the bureau) and she will be giving a new court date soon. I will keep everyone posted. This bought us more time. Thank you, Jesus. I ask that you please keep sharing the link and keep praying for us. Thank you so much. 🩷 

I just wanted to say, Happy Easter!!! He is risen!!! ✝️🙌🩷😊 I hope everyone has a blessed Easter!!! Thank you all for everything!!! God bless!!! 

I wanted to share an update. This morning was our court date. Me and my lawyer did not have to be there or do it via Zoom. The judge was just supposed to give an order. We never heard from the judge today!! I'm gonna take that as a positive as it buys us more time to get more funds together. Thank you Jesus for the delay. Please keep sharing the link!! And please keep praying for us! We still need quite a bit more money just to get to the total needed to stay here. 🙏 Thank you all so much for everything. ❤️

I just wanted to share some updates. Thank you to everyone who has shared this link, prayed for us, reached out to us personally and donated. My son thanks you as well!! God bless all of you!! We have prayed for each and every one of you that has done anything that I listed above. The donations have slowed down substantially. I haven't been posting as much because I realize that it's alot. But I need to start posting again. PLEASE KEEP SHARING THIS LINK!!! Our court date is on March 28th, one week from today. We need to have the total amount owed at that time, in order to stay in our home. We did receive a very nice amount from a local church that will help tremendously!! And that was due to a very old friend who attends that church and reached out to them on our behalf. Thank you to Danielle Sweezy!!! And thank you to Our Lady of Good Counsel!!! We still need quite a bit more before the 28th. I still have more calls to make. But again, please keep sharing this link! Thank the Lord that we were able to get our car back last week. But obviously, the money came out of the funds that were raised. I also wanted to mention that I called the doctor who administered my epidural in 2022. I inquired about how much it would cost to get an epidural without health insurance. I was told that it would cost between 2- 3K. My pain is literally increasing by the day. I am in complete agony all day long. But, I will NOT use any funds towards an epidural until I pay the total rent owed and know that we can stay in our home. (And that is if there is any left to do that). Thank you to all of my friends who have really been there for me during this time. And my son's friends have been so good to him. I will continue to keep everyone posted. 

JOHN 3: 16 

I just wanted to give a quick update. I was able to get our car back today. I had to act on it fast because it was headed to auction. This is a HUGE relief and me and my son are so happy about it. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS DONATED!! And also to everyone who has been praying for us!! There is power in prayer!! I've always believed that. And, God is good! I ask that you please keep sharing this link and keep praying!! Still more hurdles to get past. But things are looking up and I am so grateful. My son is, too!! Thank you!! 🙌✝️❤️😊🙏

Luke 8:17

Update: So, we have a motion hearing set for March 28th. We didn't know until late in the day yesterday, that the removal would NOT happen until the 28th. Obviously, if I can come up with the total owed by then, we are in the clear. I also would need to add another month's rent to that. But now I have more time to come up with the funds and reach out to other organizations. Yesterday was another stressful day for me until I heard that news. Just not knowing if they were coming for the removal... I had my son sleep over a friend's house on Sunday night so that he could go back to school yesterday. And after I received the news yesterday, ofcourse I had him come home, which felt GREAT. And, he was so happy. This is really good news. I still need to get my car back and quick because they can send it off to auction any day now. And I need an epidural asap. Thank you again to everyone who has helped us in any way!! I ask that you please keep praying for us and please keep sharing this link!!! God bless!!

Update! So, the warrant for removal was set for this past Thursday at 5:00. I kept my son home from school that day so that he could pack up some things & be ready to go when they arrived. This was extremely stressful. 5:00 came & went. I was advised that if they don't show up by 5:00, then expect them in the morning. Through all of this, we just kept praying for a miracle. The donations kept coming in. Please understand that my landlord will not take anything other than the total amount owed. Roughly 10K. Also, the judge never responded to our motion the week before to Vacate Default (our landlord had never registered the unit as a rental with the Bureau. By law, you cannot evict if you have not done this). Instead, the judge mistakenly entered an Order for Orderly Removal which we never asked for, which gave us only one extra day- the removal was originally set for this past Wednesday. So, this past Thursday morning, my lawyer filed another motion and with that, pointed out the mistake. The judge still has not responded to that motion. Yesterday (Friday), I kept my son home from school again as we were awaiting at any moment, to be removed from our home. (His school is aware of all of this and has helped us. I have been calling them every day with updates. They are fantastic). Yesterday was also extremely stressful. We were praying all day. Also, please know that even if/ when we are removed, by law, you still have three business days to come up with the TOTAL OWED, and the landlord has to, by law, accept it and allow you to stay or return to the home. It's a lot of information, I know, and that is why I haven't fully explained that until now. Well, by the GRACE OF GOD, no one came yesterday. They will not do removals on nights, weekends or holidays. We are in the clear until this Monday morning. I am praying that we come up with the total funds needed before Monday morning to avoid the removal altogether and also so that he can go back to school, and we can both breathe. My son is very strong, and we pray together, and he's been going to church & youth group, which has helped tremendously. He also has a GREAT group of friends who are very supportive, and he belongs to a gym and works out which I know, helps your mental health as well as a host of many different things. (I used to be a certified personal fitness trainer and I strongly believe in exercise). He is doing very well under the circumstances. And we are extremely close and talk about everything. Again, I THANK EVERYONE FOR DONATING, SHARING THIS LINK AND REACHING OUT TO US!!!! I ask that you continue to pray for us, to share this link and donate if you can. My physical pain has been getting worse by the day. And I also really need to get our car back. I also want to add that we've also received more cash donations, so as I stated in a previous update, we are closer than it appears to getting the total needed in order to stay. I also uploaded two pictures the other day to this page which shows the current child support owed and my MRI from last year. 

First of all, thank you to everyone who has shared this link, prayed for us, reached out personally and donated! I also wanted to mention that a very old friend of mine, who is a lawyer, Chris Benevento, took my case for free a few weeks ago. God bless him!! I had reached out to him for legal advice, as I've done before, and after giving said advice, he called me and told me that he would take my case for free. Please pray for him for helping me! Thank you, Chris!!!! He is still trying everything that he can to help us!! Also, please continue to pray for me and my son and for a positive outcome. We are still in limbo regarding the eviction. I still have time to raise the money and be able to stay. Please donate if you can!!! I was also sent donations directly, so we are closer to the total than it appears!! Today is an extremely stressful day!! I will keep you all posted! God bless!!

I'm going to just get ahead of this now. If we lose this place, I am fully expecting my family or my son's father's family to call the state and try to have my son taken away from me. They have pulled that before. Many years ago. Ofcourse, I was 100% cleared. But, that is not a pretty process to go through. Very Scary. THESE ARE THE KIND OF PEOPLE THAT I AM DEALING WITH. When that happened years ago, two women showed up at my door. When I let them in and we began talking, they told me that they had an anonymous phone call. During that time, it just so happened that I was in a big fight with my family. (The ex husband's family just hates me regardless).  As they were talking to me, they said something that ONLY a few family members knew. Nothing bad, but a HUGE TIP OFF. I already knew what was going on there, but that solidified it. What these people do is, they DO NOT HELP US, and then they point their fingers and say, See! She can't do this! She's falling apart! Yada, yada... Anyway, I wanted to give everyone an idea as to what I am dealing with here.

Thank you to everyone who has donated here & personally! And to those who have shared this link, prayed for us & reached out! Please share if you would! Please read our story & the update. It really is an emergency. If anyone thinks this is easy for me to put myself out here like this, you are wrong. I live in a small town & I have to show my face at my son's games, etc. This is not where I want to be in life. I'm trying to get back up after being knocked down. Again. Right now, I believe that that my miracle is that I'm still standing. That I broke the cycle of abuse and I'm not abusive to my sweet boy. That I'm not a criminal or an addict. Everyone who is close to me has always known my story. Some of them were there for it and some of them even witnessed the childhood abuse. The depth of what happened in my childhood hit me even harder when I became a parent because the love that I have for my son is so enormous that I cannot even fathom how you can do that to a child. And over and over and over... and then to expect that the outcome will be ok? That the child will not be an adult that struggles? It's just mind boggling to me. I'm truly asking you, from the bottom of my heart, to please pray for us and please just share this link. If you at all consider me a friend or you care about my boy in any capacity, please share.

The 'Removal' day (lockout day) is this Thursday, March 7th. Regarding the housing issue alone, I need to have a total of $9,332 by atleast this Wednesday night, March 6th in order to be able to stay here. This includes late fees & his attorney fee of $2500. Please keep in mind that WE HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. I am just trying to get back on my feet and I also need the Epidural ASAP so that I can get back to working. (I will also need to get our car back). THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS DONATED, PRAYED FOR US, SHARED THIS LINK AND REACHED OUT TO ME PERSONALLY. GOD BLESS YOU. I also want to say that I can provide documentation or eyewitness accounts to EVERYTHING that I detailed. I will gladly provide if needed. I am EXTREMELY OVERWHELMED right now and have been for some time. Please keep praying for us. And also, if you have not been physically abused (which always comes with mental, verbal emotional abuse) as a child, you really cannot imagine what that does to you for the rest of your life. On top of everything else that I dealt with growing up that I also detailed. It's very easy for people to say things like, 'She's playing the victim' or 'she needs to get it together', etc. I ask those people to please sit for a moment & imagine how you or your child would turn out after all of that. Imagine it was your daughter that went through what I went through. Would you feel differently? Would you have more compassion? As much as I am truly grateful for all of the support, the amount of people that I know have read this story, including 'friends' that won't even SHARE my link or reach out to see if we're ok, has been very disheartening. I don't know what has happened to humanity, to be perfectly honest. God bless all of those that actually care. ❤️