Hello friends,

Loving the God who sees – El Roi – Because I cannot.

I can’t see how this is going to end. I know what the doctor says, but I just can’t reconcile it. I can’t accept it. I serve a God greater than death. I rest in the fact that my loving God sees my future.

I can’t see a path without me. But I have to accept it as a possibility. And at the same time, I just won’t. I don’t know how I can be so sure of either path. If I stay, I get to see graduations, give away brides, hold grandbabies. Rocking chairs with my sweet husband when we are both old and gray. We all want that. I know. We don’t all get that. But God sees my desires.

I can’t see the way it ends. I mean, it’s bone cancer. It can’t end easy. I don’t need easy though. I know who will walk me through this dimension to the next. I know Jesus. God sees my date.

I can’t see another wife for my husband. I can’t tell you how hard that is. Reassuring him, that if God chooses to take me home, he won’t be alone forever. I don’t know if lightning can strike twice, I mean, we are pretty perfect for each other. But I know God will fill his needs. God sees his future.

I can’t see not being there to take their call. Wow, this is getting harder with each paragraph. They might need a recipe. Maybe advice on parenting. Or how to navigate a hard season. I can’t see not being able to pick up the phone when they call. I can’t see that. I can’t… But God sees a plan for them.

I can’t see these things, but I serve a God who holds my future. He holds my husband. He holds my children. I won’t question Him. I did that and allowed bitterness into my life for two years. Two horrible, dry, barren, terribly difficult years. No, I can’t see the future. But God holds it all in His hands.

What I can see is His promise. What I can see is hope for a future that does have me in it. I see a possibility of healing and I will chase it. God can heal me however He chooses. He can do it in a miracle healing. He can lead me to Mexico to see a physician. He can help me learn how to really care for myself nutritionally and bring my body restoration for a lifetime of fast food and candy bars. I see that. I see His ability. I see His possibility and I see His promise of those Rocking Chairs.

If you would be so kind to help me pursue this future, this possibility, please help support my treatment fund. This plan involves lodging, food, travel and treatment to both North Carolina and Mexico. This is no small investment. But I have to try. I can see a future with me in it and I want that. God bless you.

God Bless You, 
~The Herrings